Following a week in which:
- Paris Saint-Germain went full Paris Saint-Germain.
- AS Roma went full AS Roma.
- Bruno Fernandes went full Bruno Fernandes.
We at 90min, using quotes from 'Another Round' - the winner of the Academy Award for Best International Feature Film - to rank the best teams in Europe.
10. Atalanta (Re-Entry)
"We need to go higher. To the top!"
They may not be the international story that they were this time last year - largely due to their Champions League exit - but Atalanta are actually flying higher than ever before in Italy.
The lil Bergamo club are currently second in Serie A and in a Coppa Italia final that they're probably favourites to win (considering how bad Juventus have been recently).
Atalanta are going straight to the top!
9. Sporting CP (-)
"I'm rooting for you."
This is your weekly update on Sporting CP:
Yes, they are still unbeaten in Liga NOS.
8. Paris Saint-Germain (Down 6)
"I think you lack self-confidence."
PSG, we thought you'd gotten over this mental hump with last season's run to the final.
And yet, here we are again, after a complete collapse in a Champions League knockout game.
Thankfully for Mauricio Pochettino's men the current situation isn't as terminal as the Barcelona collapse or the Man Utd collapse, but we aren't holding out hope for this current PSG side going to the Etihad and staging a dramatic comeback.
7. LOSC Lille (Up 1)
"The world is never as you expect."
While PSG are wallowing in self-pity after their defeat to Man City, LOSC Lille are sitting pretty at the top of Ligue 1.
A dramatic late winner from Burak Yilmaz last time out against Lyon was enough for Lille to keep Les Parisens at bay for another week (at least) at the top of the table.
6. Villarreal (Up 1)
"Martin is a brave man who's decided he wants to do something with his life!"
After being sacked by Arsenal, Unai Emery decided that he wanted to do something with his life.
It turns out that 'something' was to get revenge on Arsenal. Nice one.
5. Inter (Down 1)
"To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself."
Inter have lost their footing a few times over the last few weeks, particularly during their 1-1 draw with Spezia, but does it even matter at this stage? When I Nerazzurri are 11 points clear at the top of Serie A with just five games left to play?
No, no it doesn't.
4. Manchester United (Up 2)
"I haven't felt this good in ages."
Without a shadow of a doubt, this is the best Manchester United have been since Sir Alex Ferguson retired.
Paul Pogba is back to his best, Bruno Fernandes is one of the best footballers in the world, Luke Shaw is becoming a star, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer is proving his doubters wrong.
It really is all gravy at Old Trafford.
3. Real Madrid (Down 1)
"After 7-10 units you either get tired and go home or you get a restless mouth: the more you get, the more you want."
Real Madrid aren't the type of football club who were happy with one UEFA Champions League triumph - they want to win the competition every single year.
This year is no different, although they may have their work cut out for them at Stamford Bridge next week having conceded an away goal on Tuesday.
2. Chelsea (Up 3)
"Tommy! You're the best coach in the world!"
Ok so maybe Thomas Tuchel isn't the 'best coach in the world', but if we were to add a 90min's Definitive European Managers Power Rankings to the DEPR universe then he'd probably be in the top two right now.
Considering just how bad Chelsea were under Frank Lampard, what Tuchel has done at Stamford Bridge over the past few months has been nothing short of a miracle.
1. Manchester City (-)
"How the hell am I? I can't complain. I have a beautiful wife, I live by the sea, she's loaded."
How the hell are Man City?
They can't complain. They have won the Carabao Cup, they've all but won the Premier League, and they look set to reach their first ever Champions League final.
All things considered, things are going well at the Etihad.