We're now at week nine of the football calendar, and by this point, you can pick up a good idea of how the season's going to play out.
You can also see which players are starting to emerge as the top guys around Europe, and that's what we're interested in here. We want the top 15 players, and we want to use movie quotes to rank them all.
This week, we're calling on a little help from 2001.
15. James Ward-Prowse (New Entry)
“How can you do that?"
"I can do anything I want. And so can you.” (Donnie Darko)
Over a dead ball, James Ward-Prowse can do anything he wants.
The Southampton man bagged yet another free-kick and added an assist in his side's unfortunate 3-2 loss to Manchester United. He's netted three free-kicks already this season and isn't done yet.
14. Zlatan Ibrahimovic (Down 9)
“Scared, Harry? That's all right. I felt the same way before my first game."
"What happened?"
"I don't really remember. I took a bludger to the head two minutes in. Woke up in hospital a week later.” (Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone)
Ibrahimovic must have taken a bludger to the thigh as he missed both of AC Milan's games this week.
13. Mikel Oyarzabal (Down 2)
“This was all preordained thousands of years ago."
"But how does the story end?"
"Ah, only the journey is written, not the destination."
"Convenient.” (The Mummy Returns)
We might not know whether Real Sociedad will end up winning the title, but we're enjoying Mikel Oyarzabal taking his team on that journey.
He bagged his side's equaliser from the penalty spot in the 1-1 draw with Villarreal, leaving him sitting pretty at the top of La Liga's scoring charts.
12. James Tavernier (New Entry)
“It'll be just like in the movies. Pretending to be somebody else.” (Mulholland Drive)
Has anyone told Rangers' James Tavernier that he's not actually a striker?
The right-back already sits on 15 goals and ten assists in all competitions this season, with two of his strikes coming in wins over Aberdeen and Galatasaray this week.
He's a right-back.
11. Steven Berghuis (Down 7)
"I don't like this ending." (Moulin Rouge!)
Just when it looked like Feyenoord's Steven Berghuis was ready to get on another scoring streak, he drew a blank in his team's 1-1 draw with Utrecht.
He's still top of the Eredivisie scoring charts, but only just.
10. Thomas Muller (Re-Entry)
“You're late."
"A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to.” (The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring)
It took Thomas Muller 86 minutes to find the net in Bayern Munich's 1-1 draw with Atletico Madrid, but hey, better late than never.
He also chimed in with an assist in his side's 3-1 win over Stuttgart, taking his tally for the current season to six.
9. Pedro Goncalves (New Entry)
“Listen. If we can't break the ice, how 'bout we drown it?” (A Beautiful Mind)
22-year-old midfielder Pedro Goncalves has been drowning in goals since joining Sporting CP this summer as a replacement for Bruno Fernandes.
In seven appearances, Goncalves has managed nine goals and one assist, all of which have come in his last five games.
Speaking of Fernandes...
8. Bruno Fernandes (Up 4)
“Nobody asks to be a hero, it just sometimes turns out that way.” (Black Hawk Down)
'Hero' barely even does Fernandes justice. Who knows where United would be if they hadn't signed him back in January.
It was his goal that kick-started the comeback in the 3-2 win over Southampton, and the midfielder has already hit double-figures for the season.
7. Romelu Lukaku (Up 7)
"So what were you doing?"
"Evolving." (Jurassic Park III)
Romelu Lukaku has evolved so much that he's almost unrecognisable from the striker who struggled at United.
He was rested for Inter's win over Sassuolo but came back to lead his side past Borussia Monchengladbach, netting two second-half goals to ensure Inter's dream of qualifying for the next round of the Champions League lives on.
6. Erling Haaland (Down 3)
Good news! Spoke with my doctors. Back ? pic.twitter.com/nziJH16mec
— Erling Haaland (@ErlingHaaland) December 3, 2020
“I miss you like the sun misses the flower. Like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter. Instead of beauty to direct its light to the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has banished me to.” (A Knight's Tale)
Dortmund fans will be missing Erling Haaland for the next few weeks after the striker picked up a hamstring injury.
That's obviously bad news, but it did at least give us the chance to see his ridiculous legs when he posted an update on Twitter.
5. Son Heung-min (Up 4)
“Make a wish."
"It came true already.” (A.I. Artificial Intelligence)
Son's dream of seeing Tottenham sit at the top of the Premier League table has already come true.
The 0-0 draw with Chelsea ensured Spurs moved back to the top of the mountain, but he ensured he didn't go a week without a goal by netting in the 3-3 draw with LASK in midweek.
4. Joao Felix (Up 4)
“Ask any racer. Any real racer. It don't matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning's winning.” (The Fast and the Furious)
Atletico Madrid might not always be the most entertaining side to watch, but you can't argue with their run of results.
At the forefront of their recent success has been Felix, who bagged yet another goal in the 1-1 draw with Bayern.
3. Cristiano Ronaldo (Up 4)
750 - Cristiano Ronaldo scored his 750th goal among clubs and senior National team, with 10% of these being scored for Juventus. Limitless.#JuveDynamo #UCL pic.twitter.com/Mmm4Xov19x
— OptaPaolo (@OptaPaolo) December 2, 2020
"Ten oughta do it, don't you think? You think we need one more? You think we need one more. All right, we'll get one more." (Ocean's Eleven)
750 career goals oughta do it, don't you think?
That's the milestone Ronaldo reached this week by netting in Juventus' 3-0 win over Dynamo Kyiv. 130 of those have been headers, which is just mental.
2. Harry Kane (Down 1)
“Shh. Do you hear that? It's the wind of change.” (Monsters, Inc.)
For the first time since Week 2, Harry Kane is not on the top of the power rankings.
It was a quiet week for the Spurs man, who was neutralised by Chelsea and then rested against LASK after picking up an injury.
1. Robert Lewandowski (Up 1)
"That'll do, Donkey. That'll do." (Shrek)
The 2019/20 power rankings champion is back on top.
Lewandowski found the back of the net in Bayern's victory over Stuttgart, so he's still got more goals than games played this season.
Truthfully, that's barely even worth getting excited about with Lewandowski these days. That's just normality for him.
For more from Tom Gott, follow him on Twitter!
Source: 90min
