Source: Daily_Mail
That was the Sporting Week: Shambles at West Ham
ShareJust for you, Sporting Week's panel of experts assess, analyse and, if absolutely necessary, clinically dissect the chances of the teams in the Premier League relegation firing line this weekend.[LNB] .............................................................................................................................................[LNB]West HamWest Ham's troubles hit a new low when an inmate of Guantanamo Bay declines their offer to take over as manager at Upton Park, preferring the long-term prospects where he is.[LNB]West Ham's relegation, sorry, celebration gala dinner at London's glitzy Grosvenor Hotel descended into a brawl between fans and security staff after striker Demba Ba claimed he was too tired to sign autographs.[LNB] Too tired: Demba Ba sparked controversy[LNB]It would have been a more credible excuse if he'd been called Lord Anthony Entwhistle St Quelp De Montalbane Fortesque III.[LNB]Not to be put off, the club serve up a typical East End menu to celebrate the event, featuring: Trouble and squeak pie 'n bash jellied squeals I scream and jelly Bread and butt her pudding *All dishes to be served with a punch [LNB]In one final, desperate bid to avoid their fate West Ham claim that every goal Carlos Tevez has scored since he left Upton Park actually belongs to them as part of the controversial third party ownership settlement of 2007. [LNB] Hammer at heart: Carlos Tevez[LNB]This puts even more pressure on the last game of the season at home to Sunderland as hastily revised calculations reveal that victory would take West Ham into the fourth Champions League spot courtesy of their new, improved goal difference.[LNB]BlackpoolBlackpool pleasure beach officials announce the opening of a new ride - the Ollie Boneshaker. [LNB] More from Tim Chalmers... That was the Sporting Week: It's time to get out that crystal ball again 06/05/11 That was the Sporting Week: Easter weekend... a time when footballing Messiahs are crucified and then resurrected 22/04/11 That was the Sporting Week: Where the FA Cup semi-final derby will be won 15/04/11 THAT WAS THE SPORTING WEEK: Roman can't keep his broken toys in the pram... but there are no refunds08/04/11 THAT WAS THE SPORTING WEEK: Ashley Cole and the scandals that football kept quiet... until now!04/03/11 THAT WAS THE SPORTING WEEK: The Secret Diary of an Arsenal player aged 24 and three-quarters11/02/11 Sporting Week's inside track on the manic final day of the transfer window04/02/11 Andy Gray and Richard Keys have their questions answered by Sporting Week 28/01/11 VIEW FULL ARCHIVEPublicity for this attraction claims that it will take you to unimaginable highs before plunging back down into the depths to leave you hanging over the precipice with time running out.[LNB]The ride has yet to pass its safety certificate but will feature a final circuit of the legendary Theatre of Dreams before returning to earth with a bump. Fans of the attraction are warned that the entrance fee is non-refundable in the event of extreme disappointment.[LNB]The over-70s, pregnant women and those with a heart defect are advised not to partake.[LNB]Passengers who bought their ticket while on the original 'Tangerine Dream' open top bus tour last summer qualify for a reduction in price on season tickets but are warned that this may allow entry to an inferior grade of entertainment at the end of the summer.[LNB]On a brighter note and in a much-needed boost for tourism in the region, Blackpool have great pleasure in announcing that Joe Pasquale will NOT be appearing in pantomime at the Grand Theatre from mid-July onwards.[LNB] .............................................................................................................................................[LNB]Meanwhile, Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger finally admits that it is time for a radical change of policy as the wait for silverware shows no sign of ending. He has ordered a smaller trophy cabinet for The Emirates.[LNB]Please note: no elite sporting icons were harmed in the writing of this column.[LNB] Di Canio makes sensational return to England as manager of SwindonFergie hints at strong United team to face Blackpool despite relegation rivals' fearsAll the latest West Ham news, features and opinionAll the latest Blackpool news, features and opinion[LNB] Explore more:People: Carlos Tevez, Joe Pasquale, Arsene Wenger Places: London
