Source: Daily_Mail
DES KELLY: Going drown...it's Admiral David Sullivan and his sinking ship at West Ham
When a ship is in danger of sinking, it's never a good idea to grab the flare gun in panic, blast shots off in every direction and promptly set fire to all the lifeboats.[LNB]Unfortunately, West Ham's little admiral, David Sullivan, has been unable to help himself. He is the sort who tries to warm up a bath by chucking in an electric heater and the man to call if you want to turn a problem into a full-blown emergency.[LNB] 'You play up front, Franco. Leave the tactics to David Sullivan. It might be our only hope!'[LNB]Having seen the relegation-threatened Hammers drift closer to the rocks with their miserable midweek performance against Wolves, the 'joint-chairman' launched what must now be the 438th distress signal of his West Ham reign to date.[LNB]And how long has he been there? Nine whole weeks.[LNB]Sullivan could not contain himself after the 3-1 defeat. He felt compelled to speak out. And that's the problem. Sullivan often feels compelled to speak out.[LNB]Wiping salty tears off the faux military regalia on his preposterous overcoat, the Hammers chief denounced the team's midweek performance as 'pathetic', 'shambolic' and 'appalling', which was true enough but hardly welcome in the circumstances.[LNB]He slated the 'unbalanced squad' and then pushed the players' heads underwater a little longer by adding 'nobody at the club should delude themselves that we are a good team' just to ensure he had choked every last tiny gurgle of confidence out of their bodies.[LNB]It must be why they're always blowing bubbles.[LNB]One name was notably absent from his dispatch, however: that of Gianfranco Zola.[LNB]The uncharacteristic silence on the manager was the most eloquent statement of all, demonstrating the Italian is dead in the water and already an ex-boss. It's just a question of when.[LNB] More from Des Kelly... 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It's more like Last Of The Summer Wine19/02/10 DES KELLY: Portsmouth are cheats, so let them go to the wall12/02/10 VIEW FULL ARCHIVE Should West Ham rouse themselves to win against Stoke City today, Zola will carry on until the summer and Sullivan will claim his words had the desiredinvigorating effect.[LNB]Lose and the Italian might be back in Sardinia by the Easter holidays, although nobody at the club is falling over themselves to write cheques worth £3.5million to pay up all the management contracts.[LNB]But Sullivan appears to have wanted Zola out since day one, as his endless angry pronouncements from the boardroom have shown. It is desperately hard for any manager to thrive or even recover from setbacks in that kind of environment.[LNB]To justify his latest over-emotional outburst, Sullivan said: 'I was as angry and upset as every supporter in the stadium'.[LNB]So what if he was? It's an understandable reaction, but it's not his job to behave like a supporter. It's his job to be a responsible co-chairman.[LNB]In times of trouble, the place needs calm leadership. Instead it is getting a disgruntled punter publicly airing his gripes.[LNB]That didn't help when Tom Hicks clumsily tried it at Liverpool, nor when Mike Ashley buffooned through the crisis at Newcastle United, and it isn't doing all that much for West Ham now.[LNB]Of course, a mixture of good intentions and a sheer dread of the drop (and the lost cash) underpin Sullivan's outbursts.[LNB]Having finished ninth last season, the team's form has collapsed in this campaign. But it's a time to either sack the manager or back the manager, not undermine him further by playing to the gallery.[LNB]In his statement, Sullivan issued an apology for the team and, in the next breath, pleaded for fans to stop criticising the players. Then he talked about the need for 'new heroes' and how he remembered West Ham winning the World Cup with Bobby Moore, Geoff Hurst and Martin Peters, to widespread yawns. Most of all, he wanted everyone to know 'it is hard being an owner - and it's harder being an owner and a supporter'.[LNB]'WEAK' WOLVES DID WELL Apologies, but I'm not letting this one go. [LNB]Remember when Wolves were hit with that suspended fine of £25,000 for fielding a 'weakened side' at Manchester United? Well, eight of that supposedly under-strength team appeared in Tuesday's trouncing of West Ham; Hahnemann, Elokobi, Zubar, Halford, Mancienne, Foley, Jones and Jarvis. [LNB]Moreover they 'looked like Manchester United', according to the fuming Hammers co-chairman David Sullivan.[LNB] It shows how arbitrary and ridiculous the Premier League's punishment was. [LNB]But Sullivan and his partner, David Gold, sold themselves as the club's saviours only a few weeks ago. On day one, they announced: 'We'll be in the Champions League in seven years'.[LNB]They are a definitely a notch up from the Icelandic clowns who preceded them, even if that is not saying much, but since that fanciful boast Sullivan, mainly, has done little but predict 'disaster' and 'Armageddon', saying relegation 'would be worse than what's gone on at Newcastle'.[LNB]He complained about the profligate spending of the previous regime, while simultaneously handing the unconvincing and less-than-fit Benni McCarthy a £50,000-a-week, two-and-half year contract that will see him through to his 35th birthday.[LNB]No sooner had the ink dried on that madcap deal than the Hammers chief demanded everyone on the playing and coaching staff take a 25 per cent wage cut - and warned they would be dumped if they refused.[LNB]Of course the huge wage bill has to be addressed, but not in public and certainly not in the midst of a relegation tussle, not if you want the team's form to turn around, as Gold and chief executive Karren Brady will have reminded him.[LNB]Unsurprisingly, Sullivan's doom-laden words have become a self-fulfilling prophecy.[LNB]One win can change everything, but the Hammers currently look disillusioned, lost and completely de-motivated, which is what happens when you repeatedly tell a collection of players they are not up to it.[LNB]It's not an excuse to say Sullivan is 'a fan' of the club either.[LNB]Bill Kenwright is also a chairman and fan at Everton, but he has always stood by his manager David Moyes and sought to avoid public melodrama where possible, maybe because he has enough of it in his working life as a theatre producer.[LNB]Back at the Hammers' tragi-comedy, however, Sullivan announced: 'We need to remember what this club is all about'.[LNB]Quite. When Ron Greenwood was in charge at West Ham there was barely a peep to be heard from the boardroom.[LNB]What a help it would be to the players and the manager if that were the case now.[LNB] Save us from the wit and wisdom of airhead DefoeJermain Defoe is now writing a newspaper column, very slowly and possibly in crayon. While there are a few laughably bad offerings in sports journalism (present company excepted), it is genuinely hard to recall a more tedious column than young Jermain's. [LNB]His first effort informed us Wayne Rooney was actually quite a good player, which will, no doubt, be as much of a revelation to you as it was to me. And this week the striker announced he sleeps in an oxygen tent. Yep, that's what Defoe (right) needs - more air in his head. Stick to the running and kicking, lad. Thinking out loud ain't your thing.[LNB] Speaking of sportsmen and their printed words, Jonny Wilkinson complained bitterly about the pressures of talking to the press for an hour at a recent 'media day', adding: 'I can't deny that I would rather people wrote nothing.' And where did he say this? Why in his own newspaper column, of course. Will you explain it to him, or shall I?[LNB] Much has been made of Michael Schumacher's age since his return to Formula One. So allow me to dispel some misconceptions before the Australian Grand Prix.[LNB]He does not request prune juice in his fluids bottle.He does not wear a bifocal visor.He does not drive with a blanket over his knees.He does not take a 'comfort break' during pit stops.[LNB]This is because Schumacher is 41, not 81. Juan Manuel Fangio won the world title at the age of 46. And that was in the days when drivers did not expect to make it to 46. So I think 'old man' Schumacher can cope if his car can.[LNB] The Virgin Formula One team are to redesign their cars after embarrassingly discovering their fuel tanks are not large enough to carry them right through to the end of a race. One question: will they still be able to call themselves Virgin if they go all the way?[LNB] As Napoleon famously said: 'Poke out my eye and cut off my arm if I'm wrong'... but Thierry Henry's return to Arsenal is nothing but a Beckhamesque sideshow.[LNB]'I don't want to play against Arsenal,' he said, although he might not have the chance.[LNB]Henry is no longer a key player for Barcelona, having scored just three goals in 21 games. The danger for Arsenal lies elsewhere; everywhere else, in fact.[LNB] UEFA president Michel Platini is tipping England as one of the three nations who can win the World Cup. It must be down to all those foreign players in the Premier League he keeps moaning about.[LNB] [LNB]
