32 things footballers did this season that were better than football

24 May 2015 07:16

It’s been a fairly predictable season in the Premier League. We all imagined Chelsea would be the team lifting the trophy before a ball was even kicked, and that was only strengthened once the season had started.

But it’s not all been like that. And, at times, some of the things we’ve seen from players and teams that had very little to do with football were actually better than the football itself.

Here are those times.

1. The Arsenal players’ ability to mock themselves

Face to Face with the Arsenal Family featured a cameo from Keith from The Office as Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain’s plane-spotting uncle, as well as Per Mertesacker’s star baker sister Trudy and Jack Wilshere’s uncle Kenny, a philosophical plumber.

There was also this effort from the Arsenal team to tackle homophobia.

2. Gareth Bale’s transition to basketball

After a tremendous first season with Real Madrid, the critics have certainly been out for Bale this year. It’s no surprise then that the Welshman tried his hand at another sport instead – and is pretty good at it.

3. Massimo Cellino’s cooking

Highlights include the Leeds owner’s views on the nutritious value of pasta, as well as his response when asked what he thinks the players will make of it.

4. Southampton’s fantastic shirt promo

It’s a bit of a hotchpotch of British comedy, with a touch of the Office here, a splash of Little Britain there and – unless our comedy ears are deceiving us – a voiceover from Miles Jupp. But it is, crucially, very funny.

Look out in particular for excellent cameos from James Ward-Prowse, Jose Fonte and Matt Le Tissier.

Top work, Saints.

5. When Alan Shearer tweeted a running joke

In case you haven’t turned on a TV lately, Shearer has been doing promotion for the Premier League by turning up at unsuspecting kids’ houses with tickets to watch Newcastle. The only problem is, Newcastle are really bad.

6. The Ajax players’ mother’s day tribute

On mother’s day the Ajax players walked out on to the pitch flanked by – not mascots – but their mums. It was a nice touch for the people who probably spent their child’s younger years ferrying them around to training and matches.

We don’t doubt that it’s hard work being a mum, but little things like walking out with your son into a 50,000 capacity arena probably make it worth it.

7. Luis Suarez surprising a child

Mateo, a young cancer patient from Uruguay, thought he was visiting a clinic to speak to a doctor in Spain. It instead turned out to be Mateo’s hero – Luis Suarez – and no matter your opinions of the man, it’s something Mateo will never forget.

8. When Chelsea proved they’re not boring

Not long after chants of “Boring, boring Chelsea” were heard at the Emirates, Eden Hazard posted that video on Instagram.

There’s so much to love about this: the fact that professional footballers amuse themselves doing the exact same things we try to do, the fact they trust a goalkeeper with a header, the fact that Jon Obi Mikel finally makes a meaningful contribution to Chelsea’s season…

Who said Chelsea are boring?

9. When Charlton made themselves relevant again, briefly

Bournemouth were celebrating after a 3-0 win over Bolton put them three points clear of third-placed Middlesbrough and with a goal difference of 50 compared to Boro’s 31. Charlton were adamant that they could yet ruin the party, but alas, a 19-0 victory didn’t follow and Bournemouth are in the Premier League next season!

10. Charles N’Zogbia’s terrible dress sense

For some reason, N’Zogbia decided he wanted to look like a botanical garden. We can’t help but agree with Shay Given’s hashtag choice. #WorstEver.

11. The fact you can use a search-engine dedicated solely to stories about Zlatan Ibrahimovic

Zlatan

Ever been frustrated by the sheer amount of Google search results that have absolutely nothing to do with Zlatan Ibrahimovic?

Well, at one stage this season your prayers were answered – presenting zlaaatan.com.

12. Wesley Snjeider showing English fans how bad we have it

Whether it’s expensive tickets, neglect of the grassroots or little to no interaction between players and fans, there’s definitely problems with modern football.

What Snjeider’s doing in that video is apparently a bit of a tradition in Turkey. First, the player gets the fans to stand. After shushing them he counts to three, before they all start singing.

With a hint of sadness, we can’t imagine it ever catching on over here.

13. Dion Dublin becoming a Homes Under the Hammer presenter

One April morning, the BBC gave us a gift. A little known man in the world of home refurbishments made a stunning debut on Homes Under the Hammer – and that man was Dion Dublin.

We’re not particularly qualified to talk on the actual hammering of the homes, but we feel well positioned to say that Dion impressed.

14. That time Sky had Gael Clichy and Alex Song doing El Clasico punditry

We don’t know why, we don’t know how – but this really did happen. The biggest match in world football was presided over not by Sky’s big signing of the season, Thierry Henry, nor by the man who’s reinvented the role of the pundit, Gary Neville, but a man who’d been loaned out from Barcelona to West Ham and Clichy.

They didn’t do anything spectacularly bad, but that’s not the point, is it?

15. Neymar doing to Luis Suarez what the rest of us have wanted to do for a while

There are plenty of people who’ve wanted to give Luis Suarez a good kick up the arse over the years.

Therefore you could say Neymar was very much living the dream in this clip from Barcelona’s training session. You could charge good money for the chance to do that.

16. When Southampton proved just because you’re good at football, it doesn’t extend to all sports

Athletes often seem to be brilliant at whatever sports they turn their hands to.

But it’s not always the case – as we found out when Southampton had a go at ice hockey on their team-building trip to Switzerland.

17. Joey Barton *almost* proving us all right

As part of Premier League Reading Stars 2015 on World Book Day, a player from each top-flight club recommended two books – one for adults and one for kids – for fans to check out. And yes – one of them was Joey Barton.

So, what did Barton choose? The Republic by Plato – obviously. If you don’t know why this is funny or predictable, Barton fancies himself as a bit of a philosopher – and even did a talk at the Oxford Union. At least he didn’t pick Nietzsche.

18. Jack Wilshere teaching us how to cook

Got a special someone in your life you’d like to impress? Why not make them Jack Wilshere’s Bruschetta?

The Arsenal midfielder has evidently been getting handy in the kitchen this season, with all the time he’s had off. He posted not only a picture of his dinner on Instagram – as is traditional, of course – but also the recipe.

Here are the ingredients:

-Garlic Bread (chilled & ready made)
-Aioli
-Grated Mozzarella
-Cherry Tomatoes
-Red Onions
-Italian seasoning
-Black Pepper
-Olive Oil
-Balsamic Glaze
-Parmesan Cheese

But you’ll have to click on the picture for the method.

19. When Paul Scholes proved why he shouldn’t be on TV

Robbie Savage is a divisive figure in the the world of football: some people apparently like his shouty brand of unequivocal punditry, while others find him pretty annoying.

Firmly in that last camp, it would seem, is his former Manchester United Class of ’92 team-mate Paul Scholes, who seemed to lose patience while sharing some archetypal football “banter” with Sav live on TV.

If you’re wondering, Scholes did indeed call Savage a “knobhead”.

20. Ronald Koeman’s love of chips, with mayonnaise

Don’t worry, that wasn’t him having a slight break-down mid-press conference – there is a tale that goes with the Vine. As Rob McDonald, one of Koeman’s former teammates told the BBC’s Ben Dirs: “We were at an away game once, having our pre-match meal. Our coach, Theo Verlangen, would go mad if he saw mayonnaise on our table. But this time he wasn’t paying attention when the waiter put some down in front of us.

“Ronald took a couple of chips, slapped them in the mayonnaise and just as he was about to eat them, Verlangen said: ‘Koeman! If you eat those, that’s a 500 guilder fine!’ Ronald stuffed them in his mouth and said: ‘Make it a thousand.’”

21. Aaron Lennon’s delight at joining Everton

Lennon was reportedly not keen on a move to strugglers Hull in the January transfer window, so when a move to Everton came up, he’d be delighted, right? Wrong – as those pictures show.

It turned out to be a pretty decent move for Lennon though, who has scored two goals in 12 league appearances for Everton, and shown the form we were used to seeing of him before his days on the Tottenham bench.

And now, it seems like he doesn’t even want to go back.

22. Mesut Ozil’s heart-felt thank you to fans

The Arsenal star wanted to give a little back so he recorded a thank you message and posted it to Twitter. The words “totes emosh” don’t even begin to cover it.

If you couldn’t tell, that was us being sarcastic – because from that video you get the impression Ozil is the German Aleksander Kolarov – in other words, heartless.

23. When Peter Crouch stood next to a jockey

Stoke were at Meydan racecourse in Dubai as Peter Crouch and co enjoyed some mid-season rest.

Of course if there’s one thing we know about Crouch, it’s that he’s very tall. And if there’s one thing we know about jockeys, it’s that they’re very small.

Crouch is 6ft 7in, while we’re told Nathan Alison – who had professional football trials when he was younger but got turned down (you guessed it) because of his height – is 5ft. That’s a difference of 19 inches, though to be honest it looks even more than that.

They could just have made the best little-and-large strike partnership since Lee Chapman and Rod Wallace.

24. Cristiano Ronaldo’s strange war cry after winning the Ballon d’Or

According to the Spanish football fountain of knowledge otherwise known as Guillem Balague, Ronaldo was shouting “Siiiiii”, as in yes.

But we care very little about the message he was trying to convey, and very much about these Vines his moment of madness spawned.

25. Mario Balotelli recreating Ronaldo’s war cry after winning the Ballon d’Or

Liverpool, for the love of all that is good in this world, do not let Mario Balotelli go to Italy.

Yes, he’s done absolutely nothing on the pitch, polarises fans, and picks up bans when he’s trying to be anti-racist – but he also does awesome stuff like this.

26. The latest instalment in Michael Owen’s catalogue of awful adverts

Michael Owen is no stranger to doing terrible adverts – if you haven’t seen this effort for a car dealership, you’re missing out.

But the former Liverpool striker’s effort for Spey whisky may top even that for sheer awfulness.

27. When Lionel Messi was signing for Chelsea, via Instagram

It may not seem like it now, since Barcelona have recently won La Liga, but there was a stage earlier in the season where it was all doom and gloom at the Nou Camp.

Their director of football, Andoni Zubizarreta, was sacked and their former captain Carlos Puyol left his position as assistant sports director. Then, the unthinkable happened. Messi followed Chelsea on Instagram.

Chelsea fans across the country saw this as a clear sign, but Mourinho wasn’t so sure…

28. When everyone united to tell Andy Carroll how ugly his new house was

You’d assume, for someone earning as much as Andy Carroll, interior design would not pose a single problem when doing up a lavish not-so-humble abode. But we discovered this season that sometimes even Andy Carroll struggles.

Eyebrows were raised at Carroll and his fiance Billi Mucklow’s questionable taste as comments piled in from the former TOWIE star’s followers.

“Worst room I’ve ever seen – money doesn’t buy style/class,” one read, while another followed up branding the front room “vile”.

Well, at least Carroll had a good season…

29. Alexis Sanchez showing he’s not just a good footballer

Yep, that is the Chilean busting out Richard Marx’s Right Here Waiting on the piano at Arsenal’s Christmas party. Will this man ever put a foot wrong?

30. Boring James Milner’s boring Christmas

Somehow, since Boring James Milner appeared on the scene, regular James Milner has become a lot more likeable. This was made even more evident when regular James Milner took on his Boring James Milner persona for Manchester City’s series of Christmas videos.

Never let it be said that Milner can’t laugh at himself.

31. When Balotelli donated a five-figure sum to a dogs’ home

Balotelli’s love of dogs is well known, so when the Manchester Evening News reported that Balotelli was thought to be behind a five-figure sum given to Manchester Dogs’ Home after a fire there last year, we weren’t surprised – but we did become super Super Mario fans.

Staff say he has previously offered to walk dogs of the Harpurhey home during his free time while his own dog, a black labrador called Lucky, was in quarantine in Italy.

32. When an Arsenal fan did the unthinkable – making Andrea Pirlo look uncool

Andrea Pirlo is, famously, the coolest man in football. But even he can’t look cool saying the phrase: “No Sanogo, no party.”

Source: SNAPPA