Source: FOOTYMAD
Rangers v Celtic: Ach, it's only a game.
Are we going to party like it's 1994? So, are we going to put Cheshire cats to shame this time next week? When you think about it, 1994 was in many ways one helluva year. Musically, we had Blur and ‘Parklife’, we had the advent of the ultimate Beatles tribute band and their greatest ever album ’Definitely Maybe’ and who could forget the magnificent Whigfield? In saying that I have tried to forget her so many, many times, but she was mentioned on Ken Bruce’s pop quiz last week on Radio 2, so there is just no getting away from the memories of the boot. No respite for the wicked, I suppose. It is all very well saying that having a good memory is nice, it can be a curse as well. On the park, the year got off to the happiest and jolliest of starts. Picture the scene 5 minutes into our Ne’erday game at the cesspit. My brother and I had just come down from cloud nine after celebrating Rangers second goal. It wasn’t enough for me though. ‘’I want a third before eleven minutes’’, I said. Not for the first time my brother looked at me in a flummoxed manner. ‘’Ok enlighten me’ he said rolling his eyes, ‘Why does the next goal have to come in or around the eleventh minute?’’ ‘’Well, the thing is I’m sure that shower scored three in the first eleven minutes at Ibrox in a Glasgow Cup tie in 1966.’’ What can I say; I’m all for settling old scores, when it comes to the old firm. You see that is the thing with us older siblings who came through their ‘NIAR’. We bear the scars, not so those callow youths who were delightfully oblivious to our pain. Of course, a third goal (Miko’s second) was forthcoming although we had to wait until the 28th minute of the match to get it. I have to say I (we) celebrated that goal as much as I would have if it had been in the eleventh minute. After that, we enjoyed Bomber Brown whacking a yahoo in the goal: then there was the half time Mars Bars flying cabaret. Where were you when the 100 year long Sellik dysenteries’ went tits up? I was there and I loved every single minute of it. The yahoos scored a goal minutes into the second half from a free kick that never was. But a stranger called Oleg added a fourth with not much of the game remaining. ‘Back in the USSR’ got big licks that night let me tell you. However, that four wonderful start to the year then Rangers banning the yahoos from Ibrox in the April (which may well be the last time Murray ever defended us) and Whigfield apart, Nineteen Ninety-F our will always be remembered for one thing, and one man more than anything else. I refer of course to the arrival at Ibrox of Brian Laudrup. I had a real Saturday night, Sunday morning episode that far off last weekend in October 1994. We were at a wedding on the Saturday and on the Sabbath, my old man and I went over to my brother’s house. And boy oh boy the three of us, we whooped and we hollered as Brian Laudrup wove his magic and sprinkled Hampden with wonder dust. I remember Pieter Huistra missing a chance late on, and 4-1 to the teddies that day would have been a fairer reflection of how the game panned out. Still, I wasn’t complaining at 3-1 and the fact that I was back shift the following day meant the celebrations lasted all Sunday night. So why the reminiscing - Well, I firmly believe that in 21 year old Vladimir Weiss, we have a player capable of doing to Timbo this weekend what the guv’nor did to them all those years ago. For me, pace is the key to victory this coming Sunday, although me giving Walter Smith advice in this type of occasion is akin to grabbing your granny or anybody else’s granny for that matter and teaching them how to suck eggs. With Jelavic out, and that may prove to be a more significant, more severe loss as the campaign goes on, then the thought of Weiss and Miller running onto through balls and skinning the yahoo defence is a pleasing one. However, the die has already been cast by the opposition players and our cheating, corrupt referees. If the two assaults on Weiss by Dundee Utd players on the 15th and 22nd minutes of our recent encounter at Ibrox are not the benchmark, then the crippling of Jelavic most assuredly is. Therefore, for me without a shadow of a doubt, we can expect more of the same this weekend. Add in Collum as referee, and we all know his previous, then we will be in for a torrid time. With that shower having so many OF debutants, you can see the excuses coming in already. ‘It looked a bad challenge but he’s not that kind of player.’ ‘Ach he just got caught up in the atmosphere.’ Etc, etc, etc. What our management had better drum into our squad is how primed that lot will be by the obnoxious piece of humanity, that is their manager. Hell, it must be bad when even those up at Tannadice think the Celtic management’s behaviour stinks. You just look at snaps of him in the rhags and TV shots and you see the hatred that pours out of his every pore. Oh, and his assistant isn’t far behind him in the hate stakes. So will we win comfortably? Probably not, although at time of writing, on the morning after the Valencia tussle, our confidence must be sky high. All we can hope for is that wee bit more composure from our strikers (and surely Naismith must be a serious contender also for a first team slot on Sunday) in front of goal. Is there a downside, well the fact that Lee McCulloch, who has started this season in the form of his Ibrox career is fighting injury by dint of his playing for Scotland, has not exactly endeared him to me. It’s Rangers first, last and everything for this bear. It would be nice if we started this game this time around on the offensive. Despite the splendour of McCulloch’s equaliser at the turn of the year, I cannot be the only Rangers fan out here who hates handing them the initiative almost from the first whistle. And speaking of whistles, don’t expect anything from the man in charge. So once again the madness that is the Old Firm derby is almost upon us. Expect the usual tripe from Sky and their panoramic view of the dregs at kick off and half time. However, it would be nice if the club come out fighting should our yahoo media highlight only instances that show Rangers in a bad light after the game. Because if we do not, then Martin Bain’s words at the AGM are rendered meaningless. Oh, and wouldn’t it be the most wonderful thing of all if Allan McGregor gives us a display that reminds us of Goram at his Parkhead best? That really would be a sweet, delicious irony. Just do it Rangers.
