Source: FOOTYMAD
The Vale steward reveals secrets!
I'm not supposed to tell you this, but I think you ought to know... Well, I was going to fill you in on the sophisticated stewards' behind-the-scenes plan for the Crewe game. However, I am overdue replying to whitehillwizard's observations on coded messages over the tannoy.I'm afraid I'm sworn to secrecy on the subject, punishable by death (or accompanying a morose Micky Adams to the New Victoria Theatre to see a 5 hour performance of Hamlet after Vale have lost; whichever is worse).However, as it's just between you and me, and you promise not to tell anyone, I'll let you into a few secrets.YES, THERE REALLY ARE SECRET CODED MESSAGES OVER THE TANNOY. But the real mystery is WHY??Let's face it, nobody listens to the tannoy anyway. Put it like this: 40% of the crowd can't hear it anyway, either because they are in an area where the speaker sounds like Arsene Wenger talking (ie. b*ll*cks), or, like 20% of the population, they're too deaf anyway (remember 95% of statistics are made up).The other 60% are trying their best not to listen. Let's face it (again), at the end of a game if you were tested on all the stuff you heard over the tannoy (minus the music), how many questions would you get right? Ball sponsor? Special birthday? Huddersfield vs Plymouth halftime score? Oh, who gives a stuff. The only half-times we're interested in are Stoke (losing) and Chesterfield/Bury/Shrewsbury (hopefully losing), and the only sponsor we're interested in is Wrights Pies, who sponsor the substitutes. Yum.So, head-stewards could put anything over the tannoy, and you guys wouldn't be any the wiser.As such, I feel I can reveal one of our secret codes and not be too concerned of the consequences.If you EVER hear the following over the tannoy, my best advice to you as a fan is to make your way quickly but carefully to the nearest exit as directed by the stewards. DON'T stop to grab your bags or coats, just make your way out WITHOUT DELAY. Remember this is top secret, and I could get into real trouble telling you this, but I reckon this could save your life. So remember if you ever hear the following over the tannoy, follow its carefully constructed instructions carefully:"Oh my God!!! The stand's on fire!!!! Holy f***!!! Get out everyone, GET OUT!!!! AaaahhhHHHHH!!!"Hm, dunno about you, but I reckon these coded messages need a bit more work.But what do I know?
