Source: Daily_Mail
NORTHERN EXPOSURE: Pack your hanky as Newcastle take centre stage
I know grown men, proud Geordies, passionate Newcastle United fans, who have cried in the theatre in recent weeks.
Some of it was tears of laughter at the brilliant `Your Really Couldn't Make It Up'. Some of it tears of frustration, dejection and then sheer anger.
The play, which has just finished its run at The Live Theatre on the Quayside, is penned by father and son and lifelong Newcastle fans Michael and Tom Chaplin.
Mike Ashley
Starring Middlesbrough fan and respected comedy actor Mark Benton as Mike Ashley (can you see where we're going here?), it tells the story of last season at St James' Park and what went on between Ashley, Kevin Keegan and Alan Shearer. And it's just about spot on.
It hit raw nerves because it was written from their hearts. Close your eyes, and listen to the arguments which have raged in pubs across this region for months. Sometimes you wonder if the current board are going out of their way to run the club as badly as any in the history of the game.
Take for example the latest farce surrounding a weekend in Holland at the end of this month.
Sunderland secured a place in the Amsterdam Tournament. England has previously been represented by the likes of Liverpool and Arsenal in this four-team tournament in the Amsterdam Arena, so it was quite a coup for a club who last had a meaningful game on foreign soil nearly 30 years ago. And it will no doubt be as close as they get to Europe this season.
The fixtures were published - Sunderland play Benfica on Friday July 24 and Atletico Madrid two days later - long before some genius at Newcastle decided to arrange a friendly 26 miles up the road in Utrecht on the Sunday.
As if that was not enough, the game is also the date of the tribute game for Sir Bobby Robson, an honourable man who knew who to run the club and deserves the presence of the first team squad and club hierarchy.
In fact, the whole city should be there, not least the loyal fans who follow the club everywhere and will always remember Robson with affection. The ground should be full.
A game between England and Germany, now based very loosely on the 1990 World Cup semi-final because of the number of withdrawals of key names from the original squads, is proving a hard enough sell without the club turning its back on it and forcing some fans to do the same. Robson and his cancer charity deserve better.
The moment the friendly was announced, alarm bells starting ringing at Northumbria Police and the FA. The FA may not have stepped in to stop the game at that stage, but Newcastle, and Utrecht ignored their concerns and planned ahead regardless.
Why they showed such stubborn resistance is bewildering. But then who knows who was making the decision?
Ashley has left the running of the club to managing director Derek Llambias, who has barely moved from London since the on-going saga of the club sale started in the days following relegation.
Actually, he did return to sack some of the personnel who could have helped other loyal and stretched employees steer the club through such shambolic times and guide them away from so many embarrassing and avoidable situations.
Finally, weeks after their first warning, authorities in Holland wised up to the potential for serious violence on their streets. But with Utrecht and Newcastle refusing to budge, the decision has been taken by the FA to refuse Newcastle permission to play. And apparently they fought that decision to the bitter end.
Perhaps the FA should have stepped in sooner, but they feel the onus was on others to make the decision. Thanks to their eventual common sense - although Sunderland only got the nod because they asked first and have already sold 1,500 tickets - the potential for major incidents has been avoided.
Newcastle, unhappy that they had made travel and hotel arrangements, like some of their fans - who may of course still go - issued a statement last night saying they were `extremely disappointed' by the decision, on the basis that the FA had given the green light in the first place.
But no one should have been put in that position in the first place. You couldn't make it up.
The statement also said the club was `in the unenviable position of trying to organise a game in a very short space of time'. This is Newcastle United we're talking about. Clubs used to queue up to play them in pre-season.
Not anymore apparently. And whose fault is that? Utrecht are not Barcelona. There are plenty of clubs of an even better standard in this country who would love to host a game against Newcastle.
The players returned to the realities of life in Newcastle after a week in a luxurious hotel and training camp in Ireland. I was at the Tallaght Stadium on Saturday, along with 2,000 soaked diehards, and try as they might, the players cannot hide their unhappiness.
They may have brought relegation upon themselves - and no doubt some of them are unhappy because the uncertainty surrounding the club's ownership is ruining their chances of a move - but they deserve real leadership from the top. And they need a manager.
Just why Ashley and Llambias cannot appoint Shearer is beyond anyone but them. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. He may not be the right man for the job. But he is the only man for the job. He is the only one the fans, and (most) players, will accept. And if the new owners can't see that, they might as well put their chequebooks away now.
Of course it could get worse for Newcastle fans, and they know it. The sale has dragged on so long, it would be no surprise if it fell through. Freddy Shepherd might even get his way and return. And if he doesn't, where's the guarantee new foreign owners will have any more of a clue than Ashley and Co? Actually, don't answer that one.
One man I think we can rule out is Charlie Chawke, who says he and his former Sunderland cohorts want to buy Newcastle, claiming he has opened negotiations.
He was one of the leading figures in the Drumaville Group which pulled Sunderland from the abyss and pandered to Roy Keane. And he was a colourful addition to the boardroom and the bars at the Stadium of Light.
If I told you he owned a string of bars in Dublin and was shot in the leg six years ago during an armed robbery on one of his establishments, you get a sense of a larger than life man who likes to enjoy himself. He can tell a good yarn and his Newcastle fantasy is probably nothing more than that.
Even he couldn't be accepted at Newcastle by supporters who deserve so much better. The prospect of Championship football was bad enough for them, and they know as every hour slips by with Shearer waiting by the phone, so does their chances of making an emphatic start to what is going to be a difficult campaign.
Still, in the unlikely event Chawke has to ditch the red and white scarf he wore every week, and even took to the Cheltenham Festival, it would provide more material for the Chaplins and who knows, a happy ending. Yeah, right.
You Really Couldn't Make It Up doesn't need another re-write. It changed its name already from You Couldn't Make It Up to include the Shearer era and relegation at Villa Park. Hopefully it will enjoy a return to the Live Theatre in the future.
If it does, go see it. And if you're one of the few Newcastle fans who hasn't been already, take a hanky.
