The A to Z of the 2014/15 Premier League season

23 May 2015 07:01

We love football. Football is great.

But as much as the stuff happening on the pitch, we like the stuff that’s going on just to the side.

So you can keep your Eden Hazard and your Champions League final – on the eve of the final games of the Premier League season, here’s a look back at some of our favourite bits.

A is for Animation

Undoubtedly the rise of Harry Kane has been one of the stories of the season – and nowhere was it better summed up than in this fantastic animation from Copa90.

B is for BFFs

Aston Villa manager and assistant Roy Keane on the bench
(Lynne Cameron/PA)

These two were clearly a match made in heaven. Whoever thought that such a beautiful relationship would be such a brief one? Sadly, Roy Keane was gone before December came around, leaving Paul Lambert all on his own.

While we’re in the subject of Keane, B is also for Beard.

Roy Keane and Paul Lambert on the Aston Villa bench
(Rui Vieira/AP)

C is for Cake

This was literally the best Arsene Wenger cake we’d ever seen. It was also the worst Arsene Wenger cake we’d ever seen. It is in fact the only Arsene Wenger cake you’re ever likely to see.

D is for Dream Move

Like the one Aaron Lennon got to Everton. He was so happy he couldn’t keep the smile on his face.

E is for Exam

How do you know your girlfriend is really the one for you? Well, one Arsenal fan decided the thing to do was to set his other half an exam on his beloved football team. And the good news for all concerned was, she passed with flying colours.

Questions included naming the Gunners' current starting XI, identifying the scorer of the winning goal in last seasons FA Cup final and stating why Alexis Sanchez is better than Eden Hazard. The answer Hazard is a 'pr**k' got double points.

F is for Fags

Wojciech Szczesny was reported to have been smoking in the showers after Arsenal lost to Southampton on New Year’s Day. He lost his place to David Ospina soon after and hasn’t been seen since. Turns out smoking really is bad for you.

G is for Ginger Pirlo

Jack Colback playing for Newcastle
Jack Colback (John Walton/EMPICS)

When Jack Colback was called into the England squad there was a flurry of excitement about him being the Ginger Pirlo – not least from Roy Hodgson himself.

If only that had been accurate, Newcastle might have had a slightly better season.

H is for Hasty Exit

Referee Mark Clattenburg
Mark Clattenburg (Jon Buckle/PA)

As made by referee Mark Clattenburg after he refereed West Brom v Crystal Palace in October so he could get to an Ed Sheeran concert. Clattenburg was duly dropped from the next round of games for breaking protocol.

I is for Ice Hockey

We’re tired of seeing sportspeople being sickeningly good at other sports, so it was a delight to see Southampton have a go at ice hockey on a team-building trip to Switzerland and be thoroughly rubbish at it.

J is for Jester

A pitch invader at Stoke v Tottenham
If you’re gonna invade the pitch, you might as well do it in style (Mike Egerton/PA)

This guy invaded the pitch during a match between Stoke and Tottenham dressed as a jester. If you’re gonna invade the pitch, why not be dressed as a jester?

K is for Keepy-Uppy

Olivier Giroud is better at keepy-uppy with a rugby ball than we are with a football. He’s better looking than us too. We’ll try not to get too upset about it.

L is for Linguist

David Moyes is much missed in the Premier League, if not by Manchester United supporters then by fans of extremely terse press conferences. He’s having the time of his life in Spain though as manager of Real Sociedad – he’s even picked up some of the lingo.

M is for Matchmaking

Southampton have done many excellent things this season, but perhaps none better than helping set one guy up with the girl of his dreams.

It started like this…

After a series of tweets back and forth, the Saints mascot intervened.

And it all ended like this…

Recent references to Tinder on Tim’s Twitter feed suggest the pair may no longer be together, but if that’s the case, it was beautiful while it lasted.

N is for Nathaniel Clyne’s Tattoo

Southampton defender Nathaniel Clyne's tattoo
(Mike Egerton/PA)

Southampton defender Clyne has been one of the breakout stars of the season, establishing himself in the England team. That’s great, but what on earth is going on with that tattoo?

Apparently it’s of himself at three years old (notably ink-free back then) playing football. It’s a theme that’s unnervingly heart-warming, egotistical, and downright bonkers all at the same time.

O is for Ostrich

P is for Pub Football

Gary Neville, at his most scathing, said back in December he thought Manchester United and Liverpool were both so bad the match between them could be like like “the Dog and Duck versus the Red Lion”. As it happened, United were pretty good – but Liverpool’s defending had more than a touch of pub football about it as they lost 3-0.

Q is for Quiet

Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho at Stamford Bridge
(Adam Davy/PA)

If you want some peace and quiet, head to Stamford Bridge. After the team’s 2-1 win over QPR in November, manager Jose Mourinho said it was so quiet it was “like playing in an empty stadium”.

R is for Rapping

As perfected by Didier Drogba.

S is for Special Wonton

Chelsea fan Eddie Walter was tucking into a Chinese meal before last night’s game against Maribor when he encountered the unlikely sight of Jose Mourinho’s face on the underside of his wonton. You could probably convince yourself that face was just about anyone, but the special wonton pun was so good we were happy to go with the Jose theory.

T is for Thierry Henry

The arrival of Henry as a Sky Sports pundit was supposed to be a game changer. It certainly should have been, given the amount of ads they showed to flag up their new talent. Sadly, after a few weeks, people were beginning to wonder if he was as good as they’d hoped.

And whenever he had a handball to talk about, there were tweets like this.

It’s never easy to start halfway through a season, though. Hopefully with a full pre-season of pundit training behind him, he’ll come back stronger next year.

U is for Unsuccessful Job Application

Six-year-old Charlie Pye applied for the Villa job when Paul Lambert left, but was pipped by Tim Sherwood.

V is for Van Gaal’s Dossier

When Sam Allardyce accused Manchester United of playing a long-ball game, United boss Van Gaal produced a dossier of statistics to prove he was wrong. It was very dull. And anyway, it might be us being thick, but if anything it seemed to back Allardyce up. At least Rafa’s ‘facts’ rant was funny.

W is for Wealdstone Raider

The Wealdstone Raider proved he had plenty of fans when his Christmas single got to number five in the festive charts. Only Ben Haenow, Bruno Mars, Olly Murs and Ed Sheeran charted higher.

X is for X-Rated

Former Liverpool star Jason McAteer made an x-rated new pal this month in the form of porn star Jenna Jameson, who started following him on Twitter.

It looks like she might be a bit of a football fan – she also started following a host of players from the Premier League and beyond, including Gary Neville, Dirk Kuyt, Micah Richards, Kieran Trippier, Jason Cundy, Bobby Gould, John Barnes, Roy Evans, Jamie Carragher, Noel Hunt – and pretty much the whole Arsenal first team.

Y is for Yaya Toure’s Birthday

Let’s face it – nobody was going to forget Toure’s birthday this year, not after what happened last year. This time he had no cause for complaint as he got a banner flown over by an aeroplane, a songs sung by the fans – and a £720,000 bonus.

Z is for Zero

Aston Villa's Christian Benteke shows his dejection after a missed chance against West Brom
Christian Benteke did not score in the month of October (Martin Rickett/PA)

That’s the number of Premier League goals Aston Villa scored in the month of October, thereby forcing the club’s website to cancel their Goal Of The Month competition.

Source: SNAPPA