Workers around the country have returned to their offices in record numbers today despite the cold weather and traditional post-holiday ailments, bucking the annual Black Monday trend. Analysts have attributed this remarkable occurrence to a national mood-booster known as the "Beckford Effect". Read more here .
After noting that Owen Coyle's teams aren't afraid to pass the ball sideways, Bolton hope the Burnley manager can be persuaded to make a similarly lateral move to the Reebok.
And Daniel Sturridge is currently taking nightclasses at RADA after Carlo Ancelotti cast him as Didier Drogba's understudy for January.
TIME AND TIME AND TIME AGAIN
The Bung wouldn't necessarily describe the sight of 8,000 bawling Leeds fans as "romantic".
But the FA Cup's not picky any more. These days, the old girl's got the sex appeal of a pre-makeover Susan Boyle, so it doesn't take much to get her heart fluttering.
Fair play to Leeds though. Keep playing like that and they'll soon be back in the small time. Then, if Championship defences are as generous as Gary Neville and Wes Brown were yesterday, the Premier League surely awaits.
To give him credit, the Time Lord of Old Trafford was happy to admit that the team from League Wotsitcalled were too good for the champions of England. But Ferguson was more concerned by the "insult to football" which saw five minutes' injury-time played. The description was accurate, of course, as the Leeds fans acknowledged when they chanted "Fergie Time".
But for the uninitiated, we should explain that Ferguson considered five minutes 'insultingly short', rather than the opposite.
Thankfully, these diversionary tactics are now wearing pretty thin. Not one paper splashes on his quotes this morning, with the Star preferring to focus on "Fergie's biggest humiliation EVER." Surprising and encouraging stuff, and not least because 'humiliation' is five whole syllables.
As time ran out, Ferguson was masticating manically, clearly believing in that old wives' tale about how an extra stick of Double Mint can slow down the space/time continuum.
It was to no avail though, as the lung-busting efforts of Wayne Rooney, and the subtler/harder-to-detect/absolutely non-existent efforts of Dimi Berbatov, came to nothing.
With the Yorkshire jeers still ringing in their ears, United face the noisy neighbours next. And those neighbours, of course, are considerably noisier since winning the lottery and installing a floor-to-ceiling Bang & Olufsen.
They'd be well advised to win there, if at all possible. Having already lost to Liverpool and Leeds this season, a defeat against City and Fergie won't be interested in an "insult to football". He'll be more interested in insulting some footballers