Dimitar Berbatov will still be learning to sprint. Ben Foster will be sitting on the bench, covered in cobwebs, waiting in vain for any glimmer of ageing by Edwin van der Sar.
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United's opposition will be Paul Scholes' Oldham Athletic, the kings of well-timed passes and ill-timed tackles.
As the game goes on, Old Trafford's groundsman will still be scouring nearby streets for lost balls following Zlatan Ibrahimovic's visit with Mourinho's Inter Milan in 2009.