We love football. Football is great. But sometimes – just occasionally – it fails to live up to its duty of being awesome.
These are some of those times…
1. Rivaldo’s World Cup dive
We hate diving, and in a way this represents all dives. It’s surely one of the worst examples.
2. Fulham’s Michael Jackson statue
Aside from the fact it had absolutely nothing to do with football, Mohamed Al-Fayed’s bizarre tribute to the Prince of Pop was a terrible, terrible statue. The burning sense of shame Fulham fans must have felt at its very existence…
3. Cristiano Ronaldo’s wink
#GreatestWorldCupMoment Ronaldo wink after getting rooney sent off in 2006 pic.twitter.com/HU2HFFVBzm
— Ahmad Azeez (@Ahmadazeez45) April 25, 2014
Cristiano Ronaldo worked hard to get Wayne Rooney sent off, then celebrated with a wink.
4. When St James’ Park was called the Sports Direct Arena
5. THAT Geoff Thomas miss
6. Liverpool wearing t-shirts in support of Luis Suarez
In surely the most misjudged show of support of all time, Liverpool warmed up for their match with Wigan back wearing Luis Suarez t-shirts, shortly after he’d been handed an eight-match ban for racially abusing Patrice Evra in 2011. It left a nasty taste in the mouth. Paul McGrath said at the time: “It would have been much better for Liverpool Football Club if they had have worn anti-racism shirts.”
7. When Manchester United played in the Club World Cup rather than FA Cup
Back in 1999, United were given permission to skip the FA Cup for a year to go to the inaugural Club World Cup. United chairman Martin Edwards said, somewhat grandly, he’d made the decision “in the national interest”. They finished fifth in the eight-team tournament.
8. Thierry Henry’s handball against Ireland
9. Louis van Gaal’s dossier
LVG's pamphlet (1/4) pic.twitter.com/BIAGBivM0S
— Paul Hirst (@hirstclass) February 10, 2015
When Sam Allardyce accused Manchester United of plaing a long-ball game, United boss Van Gaal produced a dossier of statistics to prove he was wrong. It was very dull. And anyway, it might be us being thick, but if anything it seemed to back Allardyce up. At least Rafa’s ‘facts’ rant was funny.
10. Dida v a Celtic fan
Pundits hate nothing more than fan invading the pitch. So it speaks volumes about how embarrassing Dida’s behaviour was here that most sided with the errant supporter. What are you even thinking as you go off on a stretcher with an ice pack against your face in that situation?
11. Snoods
12. Any attempt to induce fans to sing
Hahahhaha Brentford have allocated one block of their allocation for us as a "Singing Section" 😂😂😂
— Jack Barnes (@barnesffc) March 9, 2015
Singing sections in grounds, music piped out after a goal, words displayed on big screens. These are all banned. Or should be.
13. Steve McClaren’s umbrella
As England lost 3-2 to Croatia, failing to qualify for Euro 2008 in the process, everything that was wrong with the world was somehow summed up by McClaren’s umbrella. He will forever be the wally with the brolly now, after the day that preserving his hairdo seemed more more important than qualifying for the European Championship.
14. Craig Levein’s 4-6-0 formation
Just noticed Levein's trademark 4-6-0 formation made it on to FM pic.twitter.com/z5ZLDnjRhp
— Stephen (@StevoGlasgow) October 31, 2013
Scotland fans have had more than their fair share of low ebbs over the last 10 or 15 years, but perhaps none was worse than the sheer, spirit-sapping lack of ambition that was Levein’s strikerless formation against the Czech Republic. It’s so infamous, it’s even been immortalised on Football Manager.
15. When Roy Keane got revenge on Alf Inge Haaland
A low point in the history of humanity, never mind football. It went something like this: Keane injured himself fouling Haaland. As Keane was on the ground, Haaland told him to get up because he thought he was feigning injury to avoid punishment for the tackle.
Four years later, Keane launched a horrendous foul on Haaland which it’s often said – probably inaccurately – ended the Norwegian’s career. Keane wrote of the incident in his autobiography: “I’d waited long enough. I f****** hit him hard. The ball was there (I think). Take that you c***. And don’t ever stand over me sneering about fake injuries.” Charming. Those words earned Keane a five-match ban and a fine – and frankly, he could consider himself lucky.
16. Edgar Davids wearing number one for Barnet
When you’re Edgar Davids and you’re player-manager of Barnet, you can pretty much do whatever you want. But don’t wear the number one shirt as an outfield player – that’s an insult to football.
17. MK Dons
Just their very existence, really. Sorry MK Dons fans.
18. Richard Keys and Andy Gray
It was just banter.
19. Carlos Tevez keeping West Ham up illegally
If you’re a Sheffield United fan, this one still smarts. The Blades were relegated back in 2007 with West Ham finishing three points above them thanks to a final-day victory over Manchester United. Tevez was the key man in their survival bid, and he – like team-mate Javier Mascherano – was part owned by Media Sports Investment, in contravention of Premier League rules. The Hammers were ultimately fined £5.5 million and paid £20 million to United – but that was nothing compared the riches offered by another season in the Premier League.
20. Forest Green going veggie
@FGRFC_Official Footballs not football without a meat pie and a bovril. #veganmyarse
— Stuart Martin (@stumartin74) November 1, 2014
Well, sort of: owner Dale Vince – a green energy tycoon – took all red meat off the menu back in 2011, telling fans that if they wanted to eat a ham sandwich they could bring their own. The club also hosted what was thought to be the world’s first vegan football match last year. We’re all for vegans and veggies, but a football match where you can’t buy a meat pie just seems wrong.
21. Robbie Savage
22. Cardiff’s red shirts
At least he saw sense eventually.
23. Liverpool’s cream FA Cup suits
FA Cup final 1996 – probably the worst suits ever worn by a footballer. Except…
24. Rio Ferdinand’s white suit
25. The career trajectory of Freddy Adu
The youngest American sportsman ever to sign a professional contract when he went pro at 14 with DC United, Adu was the great white hope of American soccer for more years than ought to possible. Still only 25, he was most recently seen very definitely not being a nightclub promoter.
It's crazy to even think someone can mistake a host for a nightclub promoter. Can't believe someone actually thought that lol. #neverends
— Freddy Adu (@FreddyAdu) February 13, 2015
Still can't get over the fact that some people actually thought I was a nightclub promoter lol. Some journalist trolling for traffic #yikes
— Freddy Adu (@FreddyAdu) February 13, 2015
I am NOT a nightclub owner or a promoter. My focus is on soccer 100 percent. Hope this clears everything up. Thank you! #donewiththis
— Freddy Adu (@FreddyAdu) February 16, 2015
26. When Tony Adams dropped Steve Morrow
In 1993, Arsenal got to the League Cup and FA Cup finals – both against Sheffield Wednesday. Morrow scored the winner in the League Cup as Arsenal won 2-1. The over-exuberant Adams attempted to lift him on to his shoulders while celebrating, but slipped and dropped him. Morrow broke his arm and missed the FA Cup final.
27. John Terry and Wayne Bridge
There’s no need to trawl back through the grubby details, other than to recall it began one of the most irksome trends of modern times – the non-handshake.
28. David Beckham’s kick at Diego Simeone in 1998
Not so much the kick and red card themselves, which were devastating for England fans, but the subsequent coverage and wildly irrational Beckham backlash. Nobody came out of it very well.
29. Gareth Southgate’s Pizza Hut advert
While we’re on the subject of England disappointments. England players and TV just don’t go together well…
30. Rio’s World Cup Wind-Ups
31. When Carlos Tevez ‘refused to come on as a substitute’
Did Tevez refuse to go on a substitute during Manchester City’s Champions League game against Bayern Munich? Roberto Mancini said yes, though Tevez claimed it was all a big misunderstanding. There seems little doubt, however, that his commitment to the City cause at that point was less than total. The subsequent battle between him and the club dragged on for five months and was all a bit dispiriting. Eventually he came back into the first team and everyone went on as if nothing had ever happened.
32. Diana Ross missing a penalty at the 1994 World Cup
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAKsGT9-XB0
Really this could be any number of moments from World Cup opening ceremonies – which are always, without exception, awful – but this is probably absolutely nadir. Fair play to her for going for the corner, though.
33. Sky Sports’ endless adverts for Thierry Henry becoming a pundit
Are Sky running these Thierry Henry ads so that we'll just be really happy to have him in the studio and never have to watch them again?
— John Brewin (@JohnBrewinESPN) January 15, 2015
Sky’s endless fawning adverts heralding the arrival of Thierry Henry as a pundit were presumably supposed to whip football fans up into a fervour of excitement. Instead, they just made everybody sick to the back teeth of him before he’d even started.
34. Thierry Henry being a pundit
All that fanfare, and Henry is a pretty poor pundit. He doesn't offer much.
— Miguel Delaney (@MiguelDelaney) February 22, 2015
Henry offers nothing as a pundit. Dull, dull, dull.
— Paul O Keefe (@pokeefe1) March 11, 2015
Thierry Henry is designed for many wonderful things. Being a pundit on Sky Sports is not, I fear, one of them.
— Daily Cannon (@DailyCannon) January 31, 2015
35. The Qatar World Cup
Where to start? The murky bidding process? The lives lost during stadium construction? The fact that the entire football world is going to have to fall into line to accommodate a winter World Cup because of the country’s weather? The whole thing is a travesty.
36. David Ginola’s aborted Fifa presidential bid
While anyone standing against Sepp Blatter is welcome to a certain extent, Ginola’s bid was just embarrassing. Funded by a bookmaker, Ginola did not meet the criteria for several reasons and duly withdrew his candidature before the deadline for nominations. We’ve still got our fingers crossed for Luis Figo, though.
37. That Adryan dive
38. This Michael Owen Range Rover ad
39. This Michael Owen Spey whisky advert
40. Jose Bosingwa laughing after QPR’s relegation
Jose Bosingwa about 2 minutes after QPR got relegated…laughing. Well he is on about £80k a week, what's he care? pic.twitter.com/KAdmrPD2O9
— Jonno Turner (@jonnot) April 28, 2013
41. Ron Atkinson on Marcel Desailly
Presenters and pundits saying and doing stupid things losing their jobs is not uncommon (see number 18), but Atkinson’s racist outburst against Chelsea defender Desailly – not broadcast in the UK but heard on air in the Middle East – was one of the most shocking, especially given his record of bringing through black players as a manager. Naturally, he later went on Celebrity Big Brother, where the disgraced are welcomed with open arms.
42. Luis Suarez and Asamoah Gyan
Although on a sliding scale of despicable things Suarez has done it hardly registers, his handball that stopped a much-loved Ghana team getting to the World Cup quarter-final in 2010 was one of the more disappointing. He handled on the line in the last minute of stoppage time to keep Uruguay in the World Cup, earning a red card in the process, then Gyan missed his penalty and Suarez watched his team-mates win the shoot-out. It’s hard to be too down on Suarez for this one – anyone would have done it – but those shots of him celebrating are still hard to watch.
43. Luis Suarez bites Giorgio Chiellini
Not so much the bite itself – we were used to Suarez’s insatiable hunger for human flesh by this point – but the way Uruguay closed ranks and claimed there was some sort of conspiracy against him. Say what you want about Suarez, he certainly inspires loyalty – albeit usually of the misplaced variety – in his team-mates.
44. Paul Alcock’s fall after being pushed by Paolo Di Canio
The push was bad, but that fall. That fall! It set referees back years.
45. Peter Ridsdale’s goldfish
All the folly and excess that brought the once mighty Leeds United crashing down to earth and further came to be symbolised by those goldfish in Ridsdale’s office, rented at a rate of £20 a month.
46. Diamond Lights
A song that seemingly existed primarily because Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle’s surnames rhymed.
47. David Beckham’s hair
Becks represented the nation to Nelson Mandela with that haircut. Unforgivable.
Source: SNAPPA
