Source: Daily_Mail
THAT WAS THE SPORTING WEEK: Mourinho's in a muddle, Brits are battered and Beckham turns out to be a
SUNDAY Inter Milan coach Jose Mourinho sits in the wrong chair 'by mistake' at a press conference prior to the Champions League match against Manchester United.
In a red track suit. With the initials AF crossed out and JM painted in their place.
After Britain's depleted tennis squad is beaten out of sight by Ukraine - a team earning long overdue recognition as one of the game's true superpowers - it is revealed that singles linchpin Josh Goodall has a superstition forbidding him from stepping inside the tramlines during changeovers.
It was when this phobia crept into his matchplay that the problems really started.
Davis Cup captain John Lloyd remains upbeat about the future - resolutely believing that, having taken the mighty Ukrainians into a second day, Britain are more than capable of not losing too heavily to Poland in the next qualifier.
And even if they do lose, Lloyd is certain they will then have every chance of at least giving a good account of themselves against the likes of sleeping giants Moldova, Lithuania or Egypt.
Well, maybe not Egypt but definitely the other two.
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AC Milan and LA Galaxy now both own David Beckham after agreeing to atimeshare deal over the player. But, as with most timeshares, thereare hidden costs in the small print - Posh comes as part of thepackage. With a shopping allowance.
Following our exclusive revelation that Giles Clarke is to feature as a character in the new sporting edition of Cluedo, further details of the revamped board game have emerged.
When the crime was committed in the library with the lead piping, Pakistan cricket official Ijaz Butt was in the bathroom washing his hands of the whole affair.
There was a mirror, so he has an alibi.
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At last, some good news for British tennis. Andy Murray does not have glandular fever after all.
So at least the problem which prevented him from playing in the Davis Cup defeat will not stop him competing for hundreds of thousands of dollars in prize money on the north American hard court circuit.
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New England pace bowler Amjad Khan is seen asking Steve Harmison for advice during the final Test. Which is a bit like calling in Piers Morgan to tone down your c.v.
TUESDAY Liverpool's astonishing destruction of Real Madrid leaves even hyper-critical coach Rafa Benitez (right) struggling to find fault with his team.
'Maybe my little beard looks a bit silly, apart from that nothing,' says a sheepish Rafa.
WEDNESDAY Mourinho's predictive powers are on the wane. As manager of Chelsea he was able to accurately announce the Barcelona line-up before the team's played. Now he is restricted to correctly listing the Manchester United scorers after Inter lose at Old Trafford.
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England cricket fans filling out a tour operator's questionnaire at the end of their trip to the West Indies vote it the worst value holiday they have ever been on, with the three-month ordeal featuring only two hours of decent cricket and one unscheduled beach day at the Sir Vivian Richards Stadium in Antigua.
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Twickenham officials prove their ability to move with the times by doubling the seating capacity of the sin-bin before England's home game with France.
THURSDAY Dwain Chambers continues to astonish with his performances.
'There are people who are inspired by what I do,' he announces with a perfectly straight face after winning the sprint final at the European Indoor Championships.
Chambers is right. It is inspiring to think you can cheat your way to the top on a cocktail of over 300 illegal drugs and then still feel able to show your face in public after being caught out and banned from competition for two years.
Not content with that, Chambers is showing the sort of self-belief only true champions possess by demanding to be taken seriously as a role model.
But it is not easy being so good, as our hero explains: 'If I am not allowed to make money from racing soon I will have to retire.'
As Basil Fawlty so memorably said to Manuel in the Health Inspector episode: 'Well, goodbye.'
Please note: No elite sporting icons were harmed in the writing of this column.
