MARTIN SAMUEL: Will the witless twits never learn?

13 January 2011 00:47
So when did it happen? When did 'What are you doing right now?' and 'What's happening?' become 'Who's a cheat?', 'Whose legs do you want broken?' or 'Please submit a gibberish list of people you hate'. [LNB]Ryan Babel, of Liverpool, has become the first player to be charged by the Football Association for a statement made on his Twitter account, but he surely will not be the last. [LNB]Quite plainly, Twitter will be a reflection of our society, and if it is now drowning in a sea of witless bile and poison, this says more about the users than the medium.[LNB] Babbling Babel: the Liverpool midfielder has been charged by the FAfor his tweet about Howard Webb[LNB] Babel posted a doctored photograph of Howard Webb, the referee, wearing a Manchester United shirt, as a means of intimating he was crooked in his handling of the game at Old Trafford on Sunday. Wherever you might stand on the issue of whether Dimitar Berbatov fairly won his penalty, or whether Steven Gerrard deserved his sending-off, it is wrong to suggest Webb acted in anything less than good faith. [LNB]Nor was it just a harmless gag, as Gordon Taylor, chief of the Professional Footballers' Association, claimed yesterday. If Webb was wrong - and I don't think he was, but accept there are plenty who do - it was not because he favoured Manchester United over Liverpool and he does not deserve Babel's suggestion otherwise. [LNB]   More from Martin Samuel... Martin Samuel: Win some, lose some and Kenny will cause another crisis09/01/11 Martin Samuel: Happy and glorious, but this is only the beginning...07/01/11 Martin Samuel: Next time, England will know they are facing men, not gods07/01/11 MARTIN SAMUEL: Smoke-free? It's a Spanish imposition!06/01/11 Martin Samuel: Final flourish? Nope... shameful Australia wave goodbye to Ashes with a whimper06/01/11 Martin Samuel: The 36 happy hours that Cooked the Australians 06/01/11 Martin Samuel: Cook leaves Australia dizzy with his defining 36 Hours05/01/11 Martin Samuel: CAUGHT OUT! Hughes is Aussie rotter on a day of decency05/01/11 VIEW FULL ARCHIVE Yet the Liverpool man is a minor offender compared to some, not least those who have taken to abusing various members of the Dalglish family via Twitter sites since Kenny took the Liverpool job (although his son, Paul, may not have helped matters by writing how much he hated losing to Manchester United and calling Webb the puppet of Sir Alex Ferguson). [LNB]Having just returned from the Ashes, it is rather dispiriting to be plunged back into this world of unsmilingnastiness and ill-humour once more. The Barmy Army have their detractors, too, mainly folk who preferred the days when cricket took place to a background of gentle applause rather than raucous doggerel inregional accents, but what sets the modern-day travellers apart is their instinct that watching sport should be fun. [LNB]The teasing of Mitchell Johnson may have been merciless, some of the chants repetitive, but when several thousand throats, to the tune of Yellow Submarine, assailed the Australians with a chorus of 'Your next Queen is Camilla Parker-Bowles',it was a reminder that part of being a spectator involves having a laugh and sometimes laughing at yourself, too.[LNB]Yet, walk among the Barmy Army and all you see are football shirts. These are cricket fans with dual allegiance to Blackpool, Southampton, Sheffield United, Luton Town, Manchester City, Tottenham Hotspur: all banners and shirts prominently displayed during England's tour of Australia. Their songs are rooted in football culture, too. So what happens on that long-haul flight home? Why does the banter so readily turn to abuse when deployed in a football stadium? [LNB]There are still funny interludes at football matches; there are still the wags in the crowd of popular cliche, but increasingly they are drowned out by coarser emotions, and what passes for wit these days are songs about paedophilia or inter-familial sodomy. And the players' Twitter missives reflect this febrile atmosphere. [LNB] That's how to do it: The Barmy Army employed good-natured banter during the recent Ashes series[LNB]El Hadji Diouf of Blackburn Rovers is plainly a nasty piece of work and his comments towards the stricken Jamie Mackie of Queens Park Rangers as he lay on the ground during Saturday's FA Cup third-round tie are, if true, indefensible. But for all the understandable emotion surrounding a team-mate with a broken leg being taunted by a callous opponent, for QPR player Clint Hill to later announce 'That c*** will get what's coming to him' is hardly an edifying development for football. [LNB]Yet this is the way the game is going. When Paul Merson made an honest criticism of England right back Glen Johnson recently, Johnson replied that Merson was an 'alcoholic drug user'. It was a complete over-reaction, nasty yet depressingly familiar. Merson's comments on Johnson's form for Liverpool this season were made in a professional context, as part of his work as a pundit for Sky.[LNB]Johnson's riposte was irrational and unjustified. Yes, Merson admitted alcoholism. He admitted drug use. He has battled to overcome both and has regained control of his life. These frailties have nothing to do with his ability to accurately appraise Johnson's form, which has certainly been inconsistent. [LNB]The phrase Merson used was that Johnson 'couldn't defend for toffee'. It is a colourful expression, typical of his outspoken style, but he is hardly the first to reach that conclusion. Either way, Merson is entitled to his opinion, indeed he is paid to provide it. Johnson is entitled to disagree, too, but to do so in such an aggressive manner does him little credit. Sadly, it is very much a sign of the times.[LNB] Unnecessary: Liverpool defender Glen Johnson used Twitter to blast Paul Merson for daring to criticise him[LNB]Managers are often in trouble for glorified sound bites in post-match interviews, uttered when emotions are at a high, yet the Twitter debate is even less sophisticated. In 140 characters all context and lightness is removed and what may be said with a smile can come across as sour and confrontational. [LNB]It takes a very clever man to make pithiness sing. David Lloyd, the cricket commentator, was brilliant at it, until one swear word too many appeared at the bottom of his observations, and he closed his account. [LNB]Some of the most entertaining posters have already given up, leaving a surplus of dross, of people labouring under the misconception they have something to say. Much of football's chatter falls into this category. It is the work of men like Jose Enrique of Newcastle United, who revealed that he would miss the Tottenham Hotspur match with injury, much to the annoyance of Alan Pardew, his manager, who was hoping to conceal this information from the opposition until the teams were announced.[LNB]Stupidity, though, we can handle. It is the loss of humour and the eager embracing of some of football's most negative aspects that is most worrying. It used to be said there are no characters left in football. Now we've got 140 of them, but nobody's laughing.[LNB] Haye legacy risks being swept awayAnd so it begins. Ruslan Chagaev is already in training for his WBA heavyweight title fight with David Haye, we hear. Of course he is. This is, after all, the big one. And Chagaev is known as 'the White Tyson'. In Uzbekistan, admittedly, but let's not split hairs. [LNB]David Haye: Devalued[LNB]There will soon be a fight to sell, so expect Chagaev to be reinvented as a contender of substance and validity. He is neither. In any other era, he would be a footnote and in this one he has already been proved inferior to Wladimir Klitschko. [LNB]Chagaev beat Nikolai Valuev, the man-mountain Haye defeated to capture the public imagination, but only on a majority decision. Haye versus Chagaev, therefore, is not the heavyweight contest the world is waiting for, but what is? [LNB]The legacy of Haye, who arrived as the new broom ready to sweep away the torpid gigantism of the east Europeans, may be that he has dulled interest in his sport in a manner that may take years to overcome. This is not entirely his fault. [LNB]He made a number of concessions to Wladimir Klitschko in the hope of a match, offering equal share of the purse, surrendering venue and the order in which the fighters enter the ring, all to no avail. Yet, wherever the blame lies, the damage to boxing is beyond doubt. [LNB]Had Haye been another anonymous champion, his underwhelming career path since beating Valuev would not have mattered. But he wasn't. He was front-page, headline news like no British fighter since Frank Bruno, and the letdown that has followed merely confirms the suspicions of many about the sport. [LNB]The fight with Audley Harrison, in particular, set affection for boxing back years because enthusiasts and casual supporters alike felt cheated to have paid for wind, hot air and what looked like conscientious objection. [LNB]In the aftermath of the win over Valuev, Haye talked a good fight, as he always does. 'You judge the strength of any boxing era by how good the heavyweights are,' he said, rightly. [LNB]'You have to put together a consistent body of work like Lennox Lewis did, so once we get those Klitschko guys out of the way, I hope there is someone coming through, young, fresh, mid-20s, with a bit of hype, who can test me.' [LNB]What happened to that fighter? What happened to the guy who was going to get the Klitschkos out of the way, like a man flicking a loose cotton thread from the sleeve of his new jacket? Haye claims they have avoided him and taken matches with inferior fighters - Vitali announced yesterday that his next opponent would be Odlanier Solis, from Cuba - but the Harrison debacle has left him with little sympathy. [LNB] Unknown: Former WBA heavyweight boxer Ruslan Chagaev[LNB]After defeating Valuev, Haye spoke proudly of putting his sport on the map; of seeing his face on the front pages, rather than tucked away in the hinterland of the sports coverage. He may wish to consider its status now: reduced to what journalists call a NIB (short for news in brief). The biggest boxing story this week centres on whether Harrison will be allowed to keep his purse from Manchester.[LNB]'History will show Wladimir Klitschko fought Dereck Chisora, a novice, ahead of me,' said Haye. It may also show Haye fought Chagaev but could not get to either of the Klitschko brothers. The precise details of who is running from whom has long been forgotten in the game of claim and counter-claim. [LNB]To lose one Klitschko may be regarded as misfortune, to lose both looks like carelessness, and no matter how much hype surrounds the White Tyson, Haye risks his legacy becoming as inconsequential as his sport.[LNB] AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT...If re-inventing the Home Internationals is a bargaining tool to sell the idea of a united Great Britain Olympic team to Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, then the Football Association is even more foolish than was believed possible. [LNB]Not since Manchester United's duty to defend the FA Cup was sacrificed, in another doomed attempt to impress FIFA 10 years ago, has there been such a crass manoeuvre. It does not matter if the Home Internationals will be a one-off event in 2013. All they represent to an England manager is the opportunity to involve his players in a spiteful war of attrition, signifying nothing. What preparation would it provide for 2014's World Cup finals in Brazil? [LNB]In genuine competition, England will play Wales twice in 2011, having also played them in 2004 and 2005. England played Northern Ireland home and away in 2005 and Scotland three times between 1996 and 1999. These games are made special by their scarcity. [LNB]Meanwhile, witness how the much-hyped Battle of Britain club matches thrown up regularly in the Champions League have declined in status. England must not be drawn into parochial fixation, and Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland are well out of any Great Britain team, particularly if it would mean trusting FIFA not to use it against them in the future.[LNB] City can't be champions - they're too dullThe strange thing is that when Manchester City finally got their crack at the title, I had always presumed I would be rooting for them. I am not among those who begrudge the club the money and ambition they have. [LNB]UEFA make huge Champions League payments - while hypocritically advocating financial fair play - that have left clubs with no option but to lay out equally significant wads of cash if they wish to join the elite.[LNB] Keeping it solid: Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini issues instructions to defender Vincent Kompany[LNB] If a very wealthy man wants to spend his money so that we can watch Kaka every week, good luck to him. If City get a little cheeky after buying Manchester United's centre forward, enjoy. They have worn enough jokes through the years to be allowed some harmless fun of their own. [LNB]Yet now the moment is here, it is strangely unmoving. In fact, of the top five, City are the team many would least like to see holding the trophy, and purely for football reasons - not out of jealousy. I do not expect their fans to appreciate this, or even care. [LNB]The cry of 'boring, boring City' during Sunday's excellent FA Cup tie with Leicester was the same sarcastic riposte we heard from Chelsea supporters in Jose Mourinho's time, and Arsenal fans before the boldness of the Arsene Wenger (right) era erased the memories of George Graham and his all-encompassing offside trap. [LNB]If it were my team with the opportunity to get one over on Manchester United for the first time in almost half a century, I would not care if it was recalled as the most tedious title win in history and half the stadium was asleep when the trophy was held aloft. [LNB]But City are not my team, so I can afford to take the high road. Ideally, the champions should be the team who play the best football, and Manchester City are the hardest in the top five to watch. Tottenham are the most cavalier, Arsenal the most technically exciting, United are brave home and away, while even Chelsea take more risks than City - when they are in form.[LNB] I completely appreciate why City manager Roberto Mancini sees winning a trophy as more essential than pleasing the aesthetes, but the hottest ticket in town should be the one that affords a view of the champions, and if City win this season, that will not be the case. I guess I like the idea of them more than the reality.[LNB] [LNB]  Explore more:People: Alex Ferguson, Glen Johnson, David Haye, Frank Bruno, George Graham, Jose Mourinho, David Lloyd, Ryan Babel, El Hadji Diouf, Lennox Lewis, Dimitar Berbatov, Gordon Taylor, Roberto Mancini, Paul Merson, Steven Gerrard, Mitchell Johnson Places: Liverpool, Manchester, Scotland, Australia, Cuba, Wales, Northern Ireland, United Kingdom, Brazil Organisations: Football Association

Source: Daily_Mail