Source: Daily_Mail
Des Kelly: Newcastle fans should spare us all the Pard luck story
Please make it stop. Spare us all from the crocodile tears and the outpourings of sentiment washing around the North East right now. [LNB]We hear Newcastle fans intend to chant Chris Hughton's name throughout today's game against Liverpool to show the world how outraged and disgusted they are over his sacking. [LNB]There is no argument from me that Hughton is a decent man who has been treated badly by boardroom buffoons, or the assertion that he was doing a pretty good job in difficult circumstances. [LNB] All behind the boss: Pardew shares a joke with his Newcastle players[LNB]But the supporters aren't stamping their feet and yelling because they especially care about Hughton's exit, or even regarded him as a long-term managerial solution. [LNB]They are fuming because someone with a more impressive record than Alan Pardew hasn't been installed in his place. [LNB]DES KELLY ON TWITTER Follow the Sportsmail columnist HERE Don't try to tell me the black and white shirts would be quite so united in their discontent had Hughton's nameplate been taken off the office door and replaced by Martin O'Neill, or Martin Jol, or another of the glamorous names being bandied about. [LNB]Football is a horribly fickle business. Everyone has short memories. I can't remember many crying over Hughton's plight when Alan Shearer was installed above him for a short but undistinguished stint in charge. [LNB]In fact it isn't that long since Geordie fans were complaining Hughton had been promoted beyond his capabilities when he stepped back in again as caretaker manager. [LNB]Enemy No 1: Newcastle fans are not happy with owner Mike Ashley[LNB]After his position was made 'permanent' (don't laugh) the gripe was he had only been handed the job opportunity because he was the cheapest option and ready to bow to the demands of Mike Ashley and his boardroom cronies. Sound familiar? [LNB]Unlike the usual Palm Sunday welcome messiahs receive at St James' Park - I say Palm Sunday welcome because a crucifixion usually follows - when Pardew arrived for his first day, hardly anyone bothered to turn up. [LNB]A couple of teenagers hung around at the front door, but it was difficult to establish whether they were there to see the new boss or merely casing the joint after a window was smashed at the ground later that evening. [LNB]There were no wild cheers of mob celebration on the steps outside, no army of apostles gathered. As introductions go, it was about as miserable and anticlimactic as it was possible to imagine. [LNB]Al ready, Pardew is being variously described as mundane, irrelevant, a sideshow and a puppet. Commentators are genuinely saying they 'feel sorry for him', as if he has been dragged to the job against his will. [LNB]There were even people happy to endorse Pardew's public relations line that he 'must be mad' to take charge at Newcastle. [LNB]Mad? What is mad about an out-of-work boss, one who had been filling his empty hours with BBC 5 Live co-commentary duties here and there, seizing this chance? It is the job of Pardew's life. This will make or break him. [LNB]The issue is Mike Ashley, not Pardew. Ashley acts like such an ignoramus, mistiming public statements, misjudging moods, bungling appointments and sackings at every turn, it's a mystery to me how the guy ever made money in the first place. [LNB]Pardew will suffer by association with this lummox for a while, but half a dozen wins will instantly change that. The place is such a bizarre goldfish bowl, momentum can come and go in a matter of two or three weeks. Ask every manager who has been in and out the door. [LNB]Some huge names have gone to Newcastle and failed to win the crowd over, despite their reputation. Graeme Souness, Sam Allardyce and Ruud Gullit all found the job nigh - on impossible. [LNB]In Gullit's case, he was effectively sacked because he dropped the star striker Shearer. It's impossible to think of another club where that fan power could hold sway like this, except Liverpool, perhaps. [LNB] Tunnel vision: New Newcastle manager Pardew is not lacking in confidence[LNB]Those who know Pardew well say he is not exactly lacking in self confidence, far from it. Jokers will tell you he has a character streak that makes Phil Brown look self-effacing. [LNB]He will need all of that assurance if he is caught between the incompetence of Ashley and the demands of the public. [LNB]But he is bright, intelligent, he knows his football and expectations are so low around St James' Park right now, it is almost impossible to believe Pardew cannot defy them.[LNB] Barcelona have earned a lot of love and goodwill through recent years, not just for their football, but also for the fact that they donated their shirt sponsorship to the worldwide charity UNICEF. [LNB]It was rightly regarded as a magnanimous gesture by the club. It put them on the moral high ground. [LNB]I recall U2's Bono putting on the jersey and saying it was the only football shirt he would ever wear because of the UNICEF logo. [LNB] Put your shirt on it: Barcelona have struck a record kit sponsorship deal - the first in the club's history[LNB]So it was depressing to hear the Catalan side had finally agreed to sell out to the Qatar Foundation for £125million yesterday. [LNB]But the Middle East Emirate seems to be able to buy anything these days. Isn't that right, Mr Blatter?[LNB] Billy was a real winnerI was in Ireland this week to say a last goodbye to my grandfather. He made it to the grand old age of 94 and remained as lithe and sprightly as a jockey throughout his life. [LNB]Billy put it down to the benefits of hard work, a dram of Irish whiskey and the simple pleasure he derived from the occasional flutter on the horses. [LNB]In Templemore they still remember the day he splashed out his Grand National winnings before his chosen nag had even crossed the line. [LNB]The horse was coasting to victory five lengths clear and 40 yards from home when he cried: 'A round of drinks for everyone - they're on me!' [LNB]Pints were being raised and glasses clinked in celebration when the animal suddenly crashed to the turf without a fence or rival in sight. [LNB]But before the horse's spreadeagled skid had come to a stop, Billy yelled, 'Cancel that order!'. [LNB]You might recall its name - Devon Loch. [LNB]Billy always had his wits about him, right up to the point when he passed the finishing post himself.[LNB] Listen and learn, GoveWe still await news of the policy U-turn being cobbled together by Education Secretary Michael Gove. [LNB]His ham-fisted and irresponsible plan to scrap School Sports Partnership funding sparked such an outcry that Prime Minister David Cameron wisely promised a review. [LNB]An announcement is promised this week, but should Gove be preparing some mealy-mouthed gesture, let me kick him in the general direction of the conclusion required. [LNB] Deadline date: Education Secretary Michael Gove is yet to announce his u-turn over school's sport policy[LNB]An international survey has just found the UK has the worst obesity rates in Europe, with one in four people considered so fat their health is directly threatened. [LNB]This has huge implications for NHS resources that are already under more strain than John Prescott's cummerbund. [LNB]I don't expect Gove to be pro-sport, since he used to prefer playing Dungeons and Dragons, I hear. But if he needs educating on how to reverse this disastrous health trend then he shouldn't be in the job.[LNB] Warne joke's on AussiesIn a spin: Australia want Warne to make Ashes return[LNB]The idea that Shane Warne might return to rescue Australia's Ashes campaign started off as a tongue-in-cheek gag in one of their newspapers. [LNB]It only became genuinely funny, however, when people took the suggestion seriously. [LNB]The idea that the gregarious, late-night poker playing, hair transplant guinea pig, chat show host and barmaid bothering text messager would suddenly return to provide the answer to Aussie woes was farcical. [LNB]Imagine if England had trawled the Sky Sports commentary box for reinforcements following two disastrous Tests? [LNB]Although Botham, Atherton and Hussain would still probably beat this Aussie side, there would have been a riot of derision. [LNB]Warne could have killed the speculation in an instant, of course, by saying it was nonsense and Australia had to look to the future for answers. [LNB]Instead, he flirted and teased the rumour along, even using his own newspaper column to keep the story going. [LNB]Fair dinkum. Warne loves the limelight. But this bout of self promotion further undermined Australia's battered morale, made his country appear even more pitiful and desperate than anyone could have imagined, and provided England with the best belly laugh of all.[LNB] It's a black day for FIFA Just when you thought FIFA could not appear any more disgustingly bereft of credibility they managed to plumb new depths of dishonour. [LNB]The corrupt clique played the race card. [LNB]Yes, really. Having awarded the 2018 World Cup to Russia, a nation plagued by recent outbreaks of football bigotry, FIFA claimed media probes into their shady business dealings were racially motivated. [LNB]FIFA ExCo committee member Junji Ogura used the now familiar Ali G 'Is it 'cos I is black?' defence, comically saying his organisation was only being investigated because they were black. [LNB]'The people being accused were from Africa and Oceania,' he said. [LNB] Hitting out: FIFA vice-president Jack Warner, flanked by UEFA president Michel Platini (R), was angered by media claims[LNB]'Some felt there was racism behind it.' [LNB]In that case, 'some' are clearly quite stupid. [LNB]This specious remark also ignores the inconvenient fact that six FIFA members have been banned or suspended as a result of those exposes, which would mean FIFA was 'racist', too. [LNB]Naturally, the revolting Jack Warner, head of the federation of Caribbean, North and Central American countries, was busy whining FIFA had been 'insulted by the media in the worst possible way'. [LNB]Warner was responding to a BBC Panorama accusation about a £50,000 attempt to buy World Cup 2010 tickets for a black market operation. [LNB]Ali G has a new catchphrase. 'Is it 'cos I is black market?'[LNB]CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW DES KELLY ON TWITTER Newcastle legend Kevin Keegan attacks Toon owner Mike Ashley over chaos at St James' ParkWarne 'has three weeks to prove he is match fit' for shock Australia returnBarca seal record £125m shirt deal as Qatar muscle deeper into football worldDes Kelly: Education Secretary must not kill school sport [LNB] Explore more:People: Martin O'Neill, Graeme Souness, Mike Ashley, Chris Hughton, Sam Allardyce, Jack Warner, David Cameron, Shane Warne, Martin Jol, Alan Shearer, Phil Brown, John Prescott Places: Barcelona, Liverpool, Newcastle, Australia, Ireland, United Kingdom, Russia, Africa, Europe, Caribbean Organisations: United Nations International Children ' s Emergency Fund
