Michael Owen is no stranger to doing terrible adverts – if you haven’t seen this effort for a car dealership, you’re missing out.
But the former Liverpool striker’s latest effort – a Japanese ad for Spey whisky – may top even that for sheer awfulness.
The clip is only 30 seconds long, but it manages to cram in an impressive amount of utter tosh. We reckon there’s a nonsensical statement every six seconds, which is an impressive rate.
1. Every time I step into the ring, the spirit of a warrior courses through me
Does it, Michael? Does it? Because it sounds like if anything course through you, it’s the spirit of an extremely bored man. Also, why is the spirit of a warrior best represented by a small flock of birds?
2. Together we bolt through the ring with vigorous sensations of speed
There are few things that conjure up images of vigour and speed less than Michael Owen’s trademark monotone. The whole thing sounds just a little bit dirty – we just don’t need to know about Owen’s vigorous sensations.
I wonder if Mrs O will be so kind tonight! pic.twitter.com/aRPMW2bBjP
— michael owen (@themichaelowen) December 30, 2014
3. My passion in life is thoroughbred horseracing
Oh, not football then. That would explain why those BT commentaries sound like Phil Neville after a heavy dose of sleeping pills. Owen can’t even get through the line “my passion in life” without stumbling. Maybe you should just calm down a bit, Michael, then try it again.
4. I always celebrate my wins with Spey whisky
No you don’t. We don’t mean to call you a liar, Michael – but no you don’t.
5. Keep the secret
Why don’t you keep the secret, you massive hypocrite? You haven’t stopped banging on about it for the last 30 seconds.
Source: SNAPPA
