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Barry the Pro - Seriously Becks, what an earth is that beard all about?

2009-10-19

You gotta love Becks. The man's an England legend and the best thing that's happened to football since Gazza.

But seriously Goldenballs, what an earth is that ridiculous beard all about?

Becks rocked up at Wembley last week looking like an extra from one of them BBC costume dramas. Me and the boys couldn't believe it. Was he having a laugh? Is Becks on a sponsored 'grow a stupid beard for charity' mission? Is he trying to look like that Joaquin Phoenix bloke who went mental?

There are beards. And there are beards. And that one aint doing nothing for the image of English football. How are we expected to win the World Cup with a beard like that sitting on the bench? It's like Richard Keys broke into the England dressing room and latched onto Beckham’s throat.

I'm not saying all beards are bad. Jesus had one and he did alright. And what about Georgey Best, it clearly didn’t do him any harm with the ladies. Ricky Villa is another one that springs to mind. But at least they had proper beards, not throat-choking carpets.

To be fair, Becks only went and came on and played a blinder. But just think how well he would have played without the beard?

As for Crouchy, he just can't stop scoring can he? They keep going on about whether there's room on the plane for him, but surely planes these days can accommodate a tall bloke? If not, they'll have to sit him next to SWP. By my calculations, 1.5 + 0.5 = Two blokes.

Just to fill you in, we won 3-0 on Sunday. It was 'comprehensive', or at least that's what Douggy Horner said afterwards.

They call Douggy 'The Professor' because he got three As in his A-Levels, but he still aint clever enough to avoid getting caught offside a hundred times a game.

If case you're wondering, yes - I did get on the scoresheet. I could tell you it was curling free-kick from 25 yards, but that would be a lie. It was a spawny one, probably an OG to be honest, but I'm claiming it and they all count don't they. At least I didn't have a stupid beard on.

- Much Love, Bazza

YOU CAN READ BARRY THE PRO EVERY THURSDAY EXCLUSIVELY AT FOOTBALL.CO.UK

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