PFA chief Gordon Taylor has suggested the players should run Fifa. Sure, things are bad over in Zurich – but are they really that bad?
Here’s how we reckon it would go if the players were put in charge of the game…
Who’d be in charge?
President – Zlatan Ibrahimovic
Obvs.
General Secretary – Gary Neville
Zlatan’s still playing so he’d would need people around him to get stuff done – Neville would be the perfect choice.
Communications Director – Joey Barton
He’s got Twitter down, and he can communicate in other languages.
Fifa headquarters
It’d get a serious makeover and would look like something out of MTV Cribs. In fact it would look something like this.
Rule changes
You’d be able to take your shirt off in celebration after scoring a goal without getting booked.
And your shorts too. Why not?
The season would be shorter.
Maybe about 20 games? Then they wouldn’t have to play so many pesky games of football and they could spend more time playing Fifa.
Beats by Dre would be an official World Cup sponsor.
Chips and ketchup would be on the menu at every club.
Footballers love chips. That’s why the Manchester United players hated David Moyes so much – he banned them. They also love ketchup – Paulo Di Canio banned that at Sunderland, and look how that turned out. With footballers running the game, there will be chips and ketchup on every club’s menu at all times.
How would it pan out?
The players start to get overweight from eating too many chips – and with every player removing their shirt to celebrate winning a throw-in, it is obvious for all to see.
This leads the players – never the biggest fans of giving interviews – to instigate a media ban that would make Mike Ashley blush.
Zlatan doesn’t see the value of any match he’s not involved in, so immediately cancels all other games. Neville resigns his position and attempts to lead the players on a strike.
The official press release is just a series of quotes from Friedrich Nietzsche and Jean-Paul Sartre.
He who is punished is never he who performed the deed. He is always the scapegoat. #Nietzsche
— NietzscheQuotes (@NietzscheQuotes) June 11, 2015
With no media allowed at the games, there’s almost no money coming in, but the players refuse to take pay cuts. As a result, all clubs go out of business within a couple of weeks.
Football as an organised sport dies out within months of the players taking over and everyone pines for the days of Sepp Blatter.
Source: SNAPPA
