Source: Daily_Mail
Patrick Collins: Roman Abramovich must learn when to keep his wad in his pocket
It is difficult to isolate the moment when English football finally waved farewell to its senses. Some would point to the morning when a furious Ashley Cole almost crashed his car on hearing that Arsenal had insulted him with a salary offer of ?55,000 a week. [LNB]Others would opt for the day that the alleged human rights abuser Thaksin Shinawatra passed the 'fit and proper person' test to become the owner of Manchester City. [LNB]But a good many might settle for the week gone by, when a panicking oligarch at Chelsea tossed more than ?100m in fees and salaries at a couple of talented players, while an American financial operator from Liverpool sanctioned a ?35m punt on a wholly unproven young striker. [LNB]And the chief executive of the Premier League stood back and applauded as the madness ran riot. [LNB] Money talks: premier League Chairman Peter Scudamore has welcomed Abramovich's investment[LNB]Richard Scudamore could scarcely contain his satisfaction: 'At the end of the day, if this was any other industry where a Russian was bringing in ?100million that then got recycled around, that then allowed Liverpool to spend the money at Newcastle and then allowed all these other things to happen, if we were in any other industry we would be going, "Oh, this is good investment".' [LNB]But of course! What we have here is our old friend 'trickle-down'. Roman Abramovich gets what he wants by hurling an obscene amount of cash at the object of his desire and Scudamore condones the crassly excessive spending by explaining that, hey, it's doing a tremendous amount for the people at the bottom of the food chain; little people, the sort you can barely see from Stamford Bridge, or Anfield, or the offices of the Premier League. [LNB]It is the kind of economic theory which seeks to justify the wholly unjustifiable. It ignores the glaring truth that when Chelsea paid ?50m for Fernando Torres, plus perhaps ?40m over the course of his contract, they were setting the bar at a new level.[LNB] More from Patrick Collins... Patrick Collins: Trite, arrogant and offensive... what a way to go29/01/11 Patrick Collins: We must not sacrifice our dreams for the great god football22/01/11 Patrick Collins: How lucky England are to be led by sensible Strauss08/01/11 Patrick Collins: Even now, KP cannot resist picking at an old scab01/01/11 Patrick Collins: From the fall of Wayne Rooney... to the rise of Graeme McDowell25/12/10 Patrick Collins: Hughton still a Toon hero, not Batman and Robin upstairs11/12/10 Patrick Collins: No wonder Ricky Ponting's feeling all shook up11/12/10 Patrick Collins: England's World Cup fiasco and those who were 'buyable'04/12/10 VIEW FULL ARCHIVE In future, whenever a genuinely distinguished footballer comes up for sale, the selling club will start negotiations with the phrase: 'If Torres is worth that, then our player...' [LNB]Agents will take note of Torres's wages and the cut which his agent has managed to prise out of the deal and they will seek parity, at least. And when that deal is done and the loot is safe, why, the club from whom they seek a replacement will have doubled the figure they first thought of. [LNB]Think of Newcastle United and Andy Carroll. The technical term for this process, as the erudite Scudamore may tell you, is 'inflation'. Not that this should overly concern anyone because there will be a fair amount of small change coming to those small clubs when everybody has dipped his bread. [LNB]And, let us never forget, the greater the sums involved, the more tax for the Exchequer to collect. On that basis, trade union leaders should immediately seek 20 per cent wage rises for all their members, as a patriotic duty. We live in curious times. [LNB]A man who emerged from the chaos of post-Soviet Russia with a fortune of prodigious size and mysterious provenance spends ?50m on a striker on the day his club announces an operating loss of ?68.6m. [LNB]And Scudamore tells us to rejoice. Then there is the timing. Again, the chief executive has a robust view. 'What I don't buy is that they (the clubs) shouldn't be out there spending in these austere times,' he says. [LNB]'Because if Mr Abramovich has the money to spend and he wishes to do that, then in some ways that's the game.' And in his eyes, as well as the eyes of that bloated, self-serving institution he represents, that is indeed the game: what's the point of having a wad unless you wave it? [LNB]He mentions 'austere times' and that's the least of it. The slashing cuts that are coming will make the economies already enforced seem like touches on the tiller. [LNB]I doubt that a decent spell of self-discipline from football would preserve many jobs or save many services. But, as those nice chaps at the RBS or on the board of Barclays could tell you, it is a question of perception. [LNB]Right across the land, ordinary people are suffering from a crisis which they played no part in creating. Now, there is a school of thought which says that this is the time for a diverting show of wealth; time to pay footballers ?175,000 a week or more for something intrinsically trivial, so that their efforts might gladden those who are without work or money or hope. [LNB] The ?100m-man: Torress' transfer heralds a new era in Premier League money madness[LNB]The price of food, heat and shelter may be crippling but three points on a Saturday will send them off to the Job Centre with a spring in their step. [LNB]That is one view and it is both oafishly insulting and deeply patronising. The other course involves a degree of restraint, a modicum of sacrifice, a realisation that this is no time for shabby self-indulgence. [LNB]Time to keep the wad in the pocket. But this is the Premier League, the organisation which was born of greed and thrives on offensive excess. Sure, they may surprise us all by doing the civilised thing. But I wouldn't put ?100m on it. [LNB]Wrong on Rachael, right on the sexists...A week ago in this space, I wrote a few unkind words about Rachael Heyhoe Flint. The former England women's cricket captain had dismissed the sexist insults of her friends, Andy Gray and Richard Keys, as mere 'banter'. [LNB]I thought she was underestimating the offence caused by the obnoxious pair and I said so in forthright terms. Rachael tells me that she changed her mind after seeing the video clips which revealed the depths of their nastiness. [LNB]Unlike the various smug apologists who regard any criticism of Gray and Keys as the first steps towards a police state, Ms Heyhoe Flint recognises that their outburst was 'ghastly' and that they were being 'scurrilously serious'. [LNB]She now regards them as former friends and regrets her initial remarks about them, just as I regret my remarks about her. As for my own criticism of Gray and Keys: I don't retract a single word.[LNB]Pardew is struggling to bridge the credibility gap over CarrollIf the sacking of Chris Hughton by Newcastle United was the most scandalous dismissal of the season, then the appointment of Alan Pardew as his successor was the most puzzling. [LNB]What's going on? Pardew has changed his tune following the departure of Carroll[LNB]There was little in Pardew's CV to suggest that he was an appropriate choice, save the fact that he was said to be a friend of the Newcastle owner, Mike Ashley. [LNB]When he took the job, in December, he was immediately asked if he intended to sell Andy Carroll. Now, it is far too easy to mock managers by exhuming their most foolish remarks. But we mustn't let that stop us. [LNB]'Andy Carroll was at the top of my list of questions (to Ashley),' said Pardew. 'I made it very clear that he needs to stay.' [LNB]Again, in January: 'He is not for sale. I am going to say it for one last time, he is not for sale.' There were other examples but you get the drift. Now that Carroll has indeed been sold, Pardew is floundering. [LNB]First he plays the banal 'Newcastle United is bigger than anyone' card. Then he mumbles: 'We didn't twist his arm to get on the helicopter.' [LNB]Even though it was Ashley's helicopter and was heading for Liverpool. Finally, he gives us this gem: 'I've told Mike Ashley the money will have to be reinvested in the team and he agreed that all the money would be used.' [LNB]Some might think him gullible but others believe that he really does trust the owner. Which is the mistake Chris Hughton made.[LNB]P.S...This column is strictly snood-neutral. If people want to wear them, that's their choice. But FIFA have introduced a glorious note of farce to the great debate. [LNB]A spokesman said: 'There may be a safety issue. If, for example, a player was running through on goal and an opponent grabbed his snood, that could raise a potential danger to his neck.' [LNB]How perceptive. And this from the organisation which chose Qatar, with its summer heat of 50 degrees centigrade, as the venue for the 2022 World Cup. Could you make it up? I doubt it.[LNB] Explore more:People: Andy Gray, Mike Ashley, Chris Hughton, Richard Keys, Ashley Cole, Andy Carroll, Roman Abramovich, Fernando Torres Places: Newcastle, Liverpool, Qatar, United Kingdom, Russia
