Source: Daily_Mail
Des Kelly's Boxing Day quiz: Did John Terry's dad have snow this Christmas?
Before Christmas completely disappears in a blur for another year,it is traditional to pause for a moment today and honour the miraculoushealer of the festive season, St Ibuprofen.[LNB]The chances are you are hung over and attempting to carry a sore,sedated head out to a match in the belief that a van selling a glob offried grease will somehow cure your pain. Or you may be lying helplesson the sofa, unable to make any sudden movements due to an unspecifiedstabbing pain situated behind the eyes, which may or may not be relatedto the Nerf gun foam bullet you woke to find rammed up your nose.[LNB]So this is not a day to grapple with demanding, shouty rants on the sportspages or to skip straight past yet another tedious 'Review of theYear'. It's a day to ease that pickled brain slowly back into some kindof life in time to go through the whole process again on New Year's Day.[LNB]I suggest swallowing this column's annual quiz, preferably withwater. It is a garbled collection of nonsense and trivia whichdeliberately avoids tricky questions like 'What year did Jesus think itwas?' in favour of simpler, sporting conundrums, some of which mighteven be rooted in fact. (Batteries not included).[LNB] Q1 What footballer's father looked out of his window this week, sawthe landscape had been magically transformed into a blanket of white,and mistakenly assumed an aircraft laden with cocaine had crashed inhis garden?[LNB]a) John Terry's dad[LNB]b) Correct[LNB]See? This quiz is easier than you thought. Terry's father was caughton video selling £160 worth of cocaine in the lavatory of an Essex winebar earlier this year. I have no idea whether he looked out of hiswindow last week and really thought the snow in his garden was cocaine,but if he's been selling or using the stuff he won't have any ideaeither. [LNB] Captain Scarlet: Terry has been embarrassed by a series of off-field revelations in 2009[LNB]Q2Name the Premier League manager who glanced at his substitutes'bench during a match at Bolton to find two members of his squad soundasleep and snuggled under blankets with woolly hats pulled down overtheir faces?[LNB]a) Gary Megson[LNB]b) Arsene Wenger[LNB]c) Harry Redknapp[LNB]Answer: if you said a) the Bolton boss, give yourself half a point,as there must be fans inside the Reebok Stadium who nod off onoccasion. But the correct answer is c) Redknapp. The Spurs manager wasangered by their attitude and complained sarcastically: 'Sorry to dragyou up here, I know it's cold and you could be home with the missus anda cup of tea. It's hard to watch the game for £30,000 a week.'[LNB] More from Des Kelly... DES KELLY: Our big fat zero without sport18/12/09 DES KELLY: Silence is golden? It depends on who is doing the talking...12/12/09 Des Kelly: No pleasure in hunting a wounded Tiger Woods04/12/09 DES KELLY: Why Stoke ride high in a league of happiness27/11/09 DES KELLY: Dishonest Henry drives us down a road of cameras20/11/09 DES KELLY: Hounding Sir Alex Ferguson is an awful Prospect13/11/09 DES KELLY: FACT! Rafa Benitez, here's what Kop is about06/11/09 DES KELLY: The cover-up was the real story, not Andre Agassi's drug use30/10/09 VIEW FULL ARCHIVE Q3 Which of these commonly used phrases contains at least one unnecessary word? [LNB]a) Added bonus[LNB]b) Jewish synagogue[LNB]c) New initiative[LNB]d) Close proximity[LNB]e) PIN number[LNB]f) Benitez crisis[LNB]Answer: All of the above.[LNB]Q4Who fired off a text saying: 'Send me some thing naughty go to the bathroom and take a picture'?[LNB]a) The IAAF gender testers in a message to Caster Semenya[LNB]b) Shane Warne to any barmaid[LNB]c) Celebrity embarrassment Hammers fan Russell Brand to his girlfriend Katy Something [LNB]d) Tiger Woods[LNB]Answer: Clearly a huge horizon of gratuitous and possibly offensive jokes opens up here, but taste, your delicate constitution and the lingering fall-out from the Jonathan Ross scandal forbid me. The answer is d) Woods, of course. It is one of the messages he is said to have sent to cocktail waitress Jaimee Grubbs.[LNB] Driven to distraction: 2009 ended miserably for text addict Woods[LNB]Q5Name the sporting Adonis who announced: 'I want to win everything this year. I am the new Nadal and I am better looking than him too'. [LNB]a) David Haye[LNB]b) Andy Murray[LNB]c) Fernando Torres[LNB]d) Phil Taylor[LNB]Answer: Torres might be a pretty boy, but he doesn't have the Power. It was, of course, darts legend Phil 'The Power' Taylor. He is a sportsman with a one pack, but he can still look attractive if he is at the oche and you happen to have a few bob on him winning. [LNB]Q6What England football star's mother was caught shoplifting £800 worth of goods from Tesco (an England team sponsor) and Marks and Spencer (an England team clothing supplier) in March of this year?[LNB]a) John Terry's mum[LNB]b) Yep, it's them again[LNB]You must be getting the hang of this by now?[LNB]Q7How much is adidas's new 'roundest ever' (don't laugh) World Cup Finals ball?[LNB]a) £20[LNB]b) £80[LNB]c) Way too much[LNB]Give yourself a point if you said b) or c) because adidas are genuinely trying to sell an £80 football. However much they push the 'rounder' line in the sort of shameless re-invention of the wheel tactic more usually employed by toothpaste brands and razor manufacturers there is no disguising it remains an inflatable sphere for eighty quid. This is what a qualified nurse will earn in a week at this summer's World Cup in South Africa. I hope you didn't get one for Christmas.[LNB]Q8Tom Watson came agonisingly close to winning The Open at the age of 59, but can you remember what denied him the title on the closing holes?[LNB]a) A weak bladder [LNB]b) He forgot what he was supposed to be doing and ended up making a sandcastle on the 17th bunker [LNB]c) Countdown was on[LNB]d) Stewart Cink[LNB]Answer. Obviously it couldn't have been c) as hardly anybody watches Countdown any more. But if you said d) you are correct and can award yourself a point, a multi-vitamin supplement and an extra calcium tablet to fight osteoporosis.[LNB] Shattered dreams: After captivating the world, Cink edged 59-year-old, five-time winner Watson after a four-hole play-off [LNB]Q9Olympic champion swimmer Michael Phelps granted The Times an exclusive interview-cum-puff piece this week. For this rare privilege, the newspaper handed his watch sponsors a full-page advert on the facing page. This is a commercial slot worth around £18,500 according to the published advertising rate card. So what revelations and amazing secrets did he provide in return? The piece promised an exploration 'Inside The Mind Of Phelps', so what did they find there?[LNB]a) 'I think of nothing', said Phelps. 'I clear my mind so it is absolutely empty'[LNB]b) Yes, that is what is inside his mind. Nothing[LNB]c) And this appears to have cost the paper a free ad worth 18,500 quid during Christmas week[LNB]d) Ho ho and indeed ho again[LNB]Q10Mick McCarthy played a weakened Wolves side against Manchester United in order to keep his players fresh for a vital survival six-pointer against Burnley. He was vindicated when his team won 2-0. So what sort of people demanded he 'should be sacked'? [LNB]a) Idiots[LNB]b) Yes[LNB]There is one job McCarthy has this season to keep Wolves in the Premier League. If he does it by playing 11 goalkeepers, or kicking the ball out of the ground at every opportunity, he will still be a hero for his club. Yet the poor chap had to listen to sermons about 'integrity' from chancers who wouldn't know it meant if they bought dodgy shares in a dictionary firm. The answer is: Wolves sit 12th in the table.[LNB]Q11Andy Murray's girlfriend was said to have left him because he is addicted to what?[LNB]a) Crystal meth[LNB]b) Constant re-runs of Braveheart[LNB]c) Deep friend Mars bars[LNB]d) Computer games[LNB]Answer: The world No 4 was reported to be addicted to d) his PlayStation, immersing himself in computer games such as Modern Warfare II for up to seven hours a day. Murray's management attempted to deny the rumour saying: 'Andy plays the computer no more than any other 22-year-old', which could mean he is on it for 10 hours a day. Whatever he is doing, it's obviously working as he has just had his most successful year yet. Murray is now dating Lara Croft. [LNB] PlayStation numb: Murray's break-up was blamed on an addiction to video games[LNB]Q12What 'unprecedented technical error' forced ITV chairman Michael Grade to make an on-air apology and order a full inquiry? [LNB]a) The bizarre shape of Amanda Holden's lips where, in a strange cosmetic procedure, she appeared to have had a warning triangle inserted into her mouth. [LNB]b) The lack of genuine quality in any prime time programme that does not involve Harry Hill or Coronation Street[LNB]c) The sight of men in Tic Tac costumes hopping about when Everton scored the FA Cup replay winner deep into extra time against Liverpool? [LNB]Answer: More than seven million people looked at their TVs in horror when large mints were on screen where footballers should have been. An automatic advertising break had kicked in and ITV only returned to the action across much of the country as Everton were celebrating Dan Gosling's goal. A petition demanded ITV be stripped of all FA Cup rights. So the answer was c), although any deserves a point.[LNB]Q13What £150,000-a-week footballer completed a miserable year beset by scandals when his new agent began touting for business based on his England captaincy and a 'Dad Of The Year' award? A clue; it is the same player who was caught giving personal tours of the Chelsea training ground to anyone prepared to hand £10,000 in cash over to his mate?[LNB]Answer: No, I can't believe Terry is still England captain either. [LNB]If you answered every question correctly, feel free to write in and claim your prize: the new designer range of Thierry Henry gloves. Sorry, make that 'glove'. A happy New Year to everybody except Manchester City chief executive Garry Cook, who is already shaping up to be this column's villain of 2010, and that World Cup cheat, Henry. Thanks for reading in 2009 and see you in 2010.[LNB] [LNB]
