Didier Drogba has reported no side effects despite apparently being electrocuted by Jonny Evans at Stamford Bridge yesterday. Drogba's body shook from head to toe, raising fears that the in-no-way dramatic striker had somehow been zapped with 6,000 volts. On closer inspection, it was six studs that did the damage.
Darren Bent has been named in England's squad to face Brazil, despite being dropped from a million Fantasy Football teams after that woeful penalty miss against Spurs (And yes, I am still angry about it).
And Gary Megson is pursuing a January move for Russian defender Nikolay Valuev after seeing his Bolton side made to look distinctly ladylike by Aston Villa.
NO PLEASING FATHER TED
Talk about pushy parents.
Ted Terry's son has lifted the Premier League title, captained England, and helped convince an entire generation that it's OK for heterosexuals to cry.
He even bought his old man a lovely big house, a £15,000 Rolex and paid for his luxury holidays abroad. John's generosity allows jobless Ted to spend his afternoons in the charmingly named Unit 4 wine bar in Essex, where the News of the World recently caught up with him.
You'd think that'd be enough for even the most demanding father, wouldn't you? Well, you'd be wrong. "My lifetime dream is to see my son put a West Ham shirt on," Ted told the tabloid. "I'd die a happy man to see him walk out that tunnel."
It's not just Mr T that's to hard to please, either. John's mum Sue has been similarly well treated by her son house, cash, holidays etc But her own "lifetime dream" appearing on Supermarket Sweep is also something her son can't provide. There's just no pleasing some people is there?
At least JT's achievements are appreciated at work, where he's popular enough to be credited with goals he didn't even score.
"Terry's" goal didn't cheer Fergie up much, with the United manager labelling Martin Atkinson "absolutely ridiculous".
That's the third ref this season to be on the receiving end of Ferguson's fury. A tally which correlates exactly with United's three defeats this season. Anyone spot a pattern here?
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "If you don't score goals then - at this level - you won't win matches." Steve Bruce take this week's honours for most pointless use of the phrase "at this level".
BET OF THE DAY: Arsenal to win the Premier League @ 3/1
MUST READ: Alan Hansen on United's staying power
MUST WATCH: Jonny Evans takes aim at Didier Drogba's poppy. With his boot.