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A modest proposal

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By: Adam Page 16 Dec 2013 13:59:05

A modest proposal

For preventing the football players of the English Premier League from being an embarrassment to a formerly proud footballing nation and making their adoring public very very happy.

Dr Johnny English

Year of our Lord December 2013

It is morbidly depressing to all those who follow English football when they see team-sheets and squads filled to the brim with men of a foreign persuasion. Whilst good English players are reduced to penury showcasing wares in lower less skilled leagues. Unable to sell themselves in Spain or the Bundesliga.

I think it is agreed by all right thinking parties that this state of affairs has been a negative to the English game. One who could turn this sad state of affairs to a positive would be fairly feted by his peers having his statues erected declaring him the preserver of the nation.

For my own part I have for many years turned my thoughts onto this most intractable of problems. Until at last a Eureka moment arrived.

The English Premier League is stuffed fill of players who will go to the World Cup 2014 and play for foreign teams. Ozil will star for the German's. Saurez for Uruguay. Van Persie for Holland. To name but a few.

England should see this as an opportunity. Each Premier League game is an opportunity to thin the ranks of our opponents. Hold out the carrot of a squad place to less talented Englishmen. Tell them if they can remove by a tough but fair English tackle the likes of Suarez from the World Cup then a spot on a plane to Rio de Janerio has opened up for them. This tactic could even be expanded to Europe. Potentially getting rid of Neymar, Messi and Ronaldo.

I'm sure you agree this would improve England's World Cup chances immeasurably.

 


DSG

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