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Elevenses - Unbreakable Drogba Won't Dive For Malaria

Published: 10 Nov 2010 - 10:36:36

Chelsea will win the title. Not because they're better defensively, or have a deeper squad, or any of that football nonsense.They're just more hardy that the opposition.

While Manchester United players are dropping like flies with a "virus" ahead of the Manchester derby, Chelsea's talisman is preparing to put a shift in with malaria coursing through his veins.

Elevenses is assuming the United "virus" is what we commonly refer to as "man flu". Either that or Fergie's boys have got a nasty stomach bug and the Old Trafford toilets are seeing more action than they did in George Best's heyday (surely Besty took a Miss World into the toilets every now and then?).

According to reports this morning the United players down are Nemanja Vidic, Patrice Evra, Paul Scholes and Dimitar Berbatov.

Check out Drogba and other aspiring actors below...

Elevenses could have seen Berbatov's sicky coming, and Scholesly has been looking a bit pasty recently (since he was 11). But Vidic and Evra look like they'd be handy in a back alley and we expected more of them.

Meanwhile, the Chelsea striker with a reputation for fakery and diving is going shoulder to shoulder with the disease that nearly killed 'Our' Cheryl Cole.

Drogba has set the standard. And if he scores for Chelsea tonight they'll be managers throughout the world taking notice.

Viruses might knock them down at the Theatre of Dreams, but it takes a good deal more to floor Drogba (like an imaginary out-stretched leg).


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Elevenses is a high-energy performer who bites at the ankles of football and is not afraid to put a boot in. If it’s in the game, it’s fair game. Unsurprisingly Elevenses is served at 11am every weekday morning. So come and join us for a cup full of opinion and hilarity, and don’t be shy if you’ve got a story you think we should cover.

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