Elevenses was rather amused to read about Edenbridge Bonfire Society and their plans to burn a 50-foot Wayne Rooney tomorrow night.
"I hate football myself so I'm happy to burn a footballer," said spokesman Charles Laver.
The effigy will have a lucrative new contract in hand, a bag full of cash and be dressed in full United colours. But why has a small village in Kent taken this on?
Aside from the predictable "United fans don't live in Manchester" line, Elevenses can only assume there's a nearby society burning 50-foot prostitutes, or money.or both.
Based on Rooney's showing at the World Cup, there must be serious concerns his effigy won't catch alight. It could just linger on top of the pile and spit petulant sparks at the gathered masses.
Are footballing effigies the way forward on fireworks night? Elevenses would like to hope so, if only to provide some topical fodder once a year for this here excuse for a column.
Surely an Ashley Cole would go down superbly with almost everybody? As would a Sam Allardyce, or an El Hadji-Diouf. What about a Ferguson-Wenger double bill, or a collection of every England manager since you know when?
For sheer comedy value a 100-foot Peter Crouch would be genius, perhaps paired with a 6-foot Shaun Wright-Phillips. But when it comes to football villains, Sepp Blatter would take some beating.
Your ideas please. Burn baby burn.