Barry the Pro - World Cup fever brings out the chav in all of us
Published: 27 May 2010 - 07:34:12
Take a stroll during your lunch break today and soak up that World Cup fever. It's everywhere. We're so close you can almost smell that cheap supermarket lager and taste the morning-after tongue of 100 penalty shoot-out fags.
Every shop on the high street is trying to jump on the bandwagon. Even the estate agents down my way are having a go - but I'm not fooled. That lot are far too busy lying and stealing peoples' money to care about whether Fabio plays Milner in the hole.
Flying the England flag is good for business. Simple as that. I think they call it a cash elephant...or is it a cow? An elephant's bigger, so I'll go for that.
As for Joe Public, the World Cup provides the perfect excuse to let your inner chav come out. Wearing an England shirt and tracksuit bottoms, while drinking a can of strong lager and walking down the high street in a threatening manner is perfectly acceptable during a World Cup.
Fancy taking the England shirt off and wrapping it around your waist? Even better. Trousers down, boxers up. Nice one brother.
And as for your haircut, the shorter the better. Shave it. Cut silly lines in it like Aaron Lennon and throw an earring into the mix for good measure. Cometh the hour, cometh the chav.
Then there's your motor. It doesn't matter how much you spent on it, or how it will be viewed by your colleagues at the funeral parlour, you absolutely HAVE to put an England flag out the window.
England fluffy dice can complete the look, and don't forget to hang a miniature Wayne Rooney shirt in the back - the 'baby on board' one can go for the time being.
And with that, it's about time I blasted out the new NDubz tune and made the biggest decision of the summer - lager or cider?
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- FOOTBALL.CO.UK BLOGGER:barry the pro
- 'Bazza' lives, breathes and dies football every day of his life, before waking up the next morning to do it all over again. On the pitch his penchant for flowery flicks and tricks tends to frustrate his team-mates at Olympiacos Nag's Head FC, but all is forgiven when he shares his generous supply of male grooming products in the showers. BTP drinks lager and lime and has dedicated his life to scoring from the halfway line. Read him on Thursdays.
Previous Blog Posts
- World Cup fever brings out the chav in all of us
- The Capello Index revealed
- All football managers are bigots
- Do not board a plane with Franck Ribery
- Danny Rose may as well retire
- Typical Germans win football matches
- Who said Fabregas was a lightweight fairy
- David Moyes would have battered Mancini
- Bring on P Diddy at the Palace
- Darren Fletcher is the Scottish Zidane
- My England starting XI for the World Cup
- All hail Stoke City and their long-throw genius
- Ronaldinho could play into his 70s
- Arsene Wenger is the Fagin of football
- Professional footballers are filthy animals
- Introducing the revolutionary iRooney
- Sexy Arsenal are tiptoeing their way to the title
- Not even Gary Neville can save Liverpool now
- Beckham does exactly what it says on the tin
- Ten reasons to love Liverpool
- Englands easy route to World Cup glory
- Why Liverpool should join the SPL
- Cheat Thierry Henry is just like the rest of them
- Save the England full-back
- Why Rooney junior is the key to World Cup glory
- I thought United fans ate prawn sandwiches
- Southgate pays the penalty again
- Beckham the beard is ridiculous