I know some of you have been waiting for a week to catch a flight, but whatever happens do not board a plane with Franck Ribery on it.
To be honest, I'd think twice about being on the same continent as the Frenchman in his current condition.
The man is living a plot line borrowed from Final Destination, and should be avoided at all costs.
First there was his shabby form; then the small business of a sex scandal involving a teenage prostitute; and then came last night's chav-assault on Lyon's Lisandro in a Champions League semi-final.
Red shirted, red carded, red faced. Sleep well in the dog house last night Mr Ribery?
The sex scandal just cannot possibly end well. 'Prostitute' and 'under-age' are not exactly Google search terms you want delivering your name to the planet, and Ribery will need all his dribbling skills to escape cleanly from that one.
According to some reports, the winger was joined in a Paris brothel by just about every France international you've ever heard of. Maybe their luck ran out with Thierry's handball against Ireland.
Meanwhile, Arjen Robben's stock is moving in the opposite direction. If you see the Dutchman boarding a plane, get on it whatever the cost, because it could well land in a sea of lager - with the sky raining £50 notes.
All Robben has to do these days is shoot. What an advert for the bald that man is, and what an inspiration for very own balding hero, Wayne Rooney.
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Nag's Head secured our league status with a 9-3 defeat to the YMCA on Sunday, but the news wasn't all good.
Our financial reports show losses of £119, twice what the chairman (landlord) had predicted.
It turns out the gaffer has been getting through four packs of chewing gum a game, which is not only costing a fortune at the newsagents, but taking away the substantial revenue we used to make from the eight pints he would drink in the second half.
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