Barry the Pro - Do not board a plane with Franck Ribery
Published: 22 Apr 2010 - 07:19:57
I know some of you have been waiting for a week to catch a flight, but whatever happens do not board a plane with Franck Ribery on it.
To be honest, I'd think twice about being on the same continent as the Frenchman in his current condition.
The man is living a plot line borrowed from Final Destination, and should be avoided at all costs.
First there was his shabby form; then the small business of a sex scandal involving a teenage prostitute; and then came last night's chav-assault on Lyon's Lisandro in a Champions League semi-final.
Red shirted, red carded, red faced. Sleep well in the dog house last night Mr Ribery?
The sex scandal just cannot possibly end well. 'Prostitute' and 'under-age' are not exactly Google search terms you want delivering your name to the planet, and Ribery will need all his dribbling skills to escape cleanly from that one.
According to some reports, the winger was joined in a Paris brothel by just about every France international you've ever heard of. Maybe their luck ran out with Thierry's handball against Ireland.
Meanwhile, Arjen Robben's stock is moving in the opposite direction. If you see the Dutchman boarding a plane, get on it whatever the cost, because it could well land in a sea of lager - with the sky raining £50 notes.
All Robben has to do these days is shoot. What an advert for the bald that man is, and what an inspiration for very own balding hero, Wayne Rooney.
- - -
Nag's Head secured our league status with a 9-3 defeat to the YMCA on Sunday, but the news wasn't all good.
Our financial reports show losses of £119, twice what the chairman (landlord) had predicted.
It turns out the gaffer has been getting through four packs of chewing gum a game, which is not only costing a fortune at the newsagents, but taking away the substantial revenue we used to make from the eight pints he would drink in the second half.
READ BARRY THE PRO EXCLUSIVELY AT FOOTBALL.CO.UK EVERY THURSDAY
- FOOTBALL.CO.UK BLOGGER:barry the pro
- 'Bazza' lives, breathes and dies football every day of his life, before waking up the next morning to do it all over again. On the pitch his penchant for flowery flicks and tricks tends to frustrate his team-mates at Olympiacos Nag's Head FC, but all is forgiven when he shares his generous supply of male grooming products in the showers. BTP drinks lager and lime and has dedicated his life to scoring from the halfway line. Read him on Thursdays.
Previous Blog Posts
- World Cup fever brings out the chav in all of us
- The Capello Index revealed
- All football managers are bigots
- Do not board a plane with Franck Ribery
- Danny Rose may as well retire
- Typical Germans win football matches
- Who said Fabregas was a lightweight fairy
- David Moyes would have battered Mancini
- Bring on P Diddy at the Palace
- Darren Fletcher is the Scottish Zidane
- My England starting XI for the World Cup
- All hail Stoke City and their long-throw genius
- Ronaldinho could play into his 70s
- Arsene Wenger is the Fagin of football
- Professional footballers are filthy animals
- Introducing the revolutionary iRooney
- Sexy Arsenal are tiptoeing their way to the title
- Not even Gary Neville can save Liverpool now
- Beckham does exactly what it says on the tin
- Ten reasons to love Liverpool
- Englands easy route to World Cup glory
- Why Liverpool should join the SPL
- Cheat Thierry Henry is just like the rest of them
- Save the England full-back
- Why Rooney junior is the key to World Cup glory
- I thought United fans ate prawn sandwiches
- Southgate pays the penalty again
- Beckham the beard is ridiculous