English football hacks are a horribly predictable bunch of bandwagon-jumping morons. Outrageous, but generally speaking truer than Spandau Ballet. And here's why.
Every one of them has a sickly man crush on Jose Mourinho. The Special One can fart genius as far as 'Bleet Street' is concerned, and they won't let anybody tell you otherwise.
You've heard it a million times. Mourinho is the master psychologist, the man capable of transforming a good player into a great one, the man who makes things happen.
That he manages to do this by boring the opposition into submission with his attritional anti-football simply adds to his mystique. After all, who cares what Mourinho's team look like, when the man himself looks so good on the sidelines?
Mourinho's Porto - boring. Mourinho's Chelsea - boring. Mourinho's Inter - really boring.
So why aren't the same rules applied to Tony Pulis and Stoke? Ok, I take the point that Tony isn't blessed in the looks department, but based on the resources at Britainnia Stadium and his results, he's every bit as special as Mourinho.
Yet the media would rather concentrate on the fact his team kick lumps out of the opposition and utilise the best throw since Luke Skywalker downed that giant beast in Jabba's dungeon.
So why all the negativity around Rory Delap? The man has taken an isolated skill and transformed it into a match-winning asset. He's the David Beckham of throw-ins. He should he worth £30 million.
That Pulis is making the most of it is testament to his genius. As is the fact he's keeping a ropey Championship squad in the Premier League and now finds himself in the quarter-finals of the FA Cup.
I love Stoke. I love the way they stand up to the preening prima donnas in the Premier League and give them a right battering. The top flight hasn't seen an outfit like them since Fash the Bash and Vinny Jones played their part in Wimbledon's Crazy Gang.
I really hope they win the FA Cup.
As for Mourinho, you have to give the man credit. By claiming the current Chelsea side is all his work, he's created a no-lose Champions League tie for the Special One brand.
May the least boring side win. And for once, it's Chelsea.
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Nag's Head beat East Marling Fisherman 5-1 on Sunday, a motley crew if ever you saw one.
Both strikers were wearing electronic tags, and apparently the range meant they couldn't go further than the six-yard box at the far end of the pitch.
Much hilarity ensued when their winger sent over a cross that stuck in the mud on the goal line. Our keeper did a moonwalk back to get the ball, with the two monkeys stranded with the goal gaping.
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