The Antagonist - New Year Resolutions

Published: 01 Jan 2010 - 09:53:25

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Traditionally, this is the time to 'cast off the old' and 'bring in the new' with New Year Resolutions. I thought it would be a good idea to suggest some resolutions that 20 top footballing icons should consider to make 2010 a more rewarding year.

Arsene Wenger

Stop whingeing at every decision that goes against the Gooners and accept that, despite your undisputed title of Mr Intellectual of the Premier League, you need to exhibit a little more humility at times and generally 'lighten up'.

Gianfranco Zola

The opposite of the above.

Mark Hughes

Take a philosophical approach to what happened to you at Man City and realise that this is just the cock-eyed, amateurish way they do things in that part of Manchester, which is why they will always be the second best team in the city. Bolton may be your best bet now.

Roberto Mancini

Don't sell your place in Italy.

Alex McLeish

Enjoy it while you can because, as sure as eggs are eggs, it aint gonna last!

Steve Gerrard

Forget all the rubbish about the captain going down with his ship...get out while the going's good!

Harry Redknapp

I hate the expression 'roller coaster ride' but that's probably the best you can aim for with your Jekyll and Hyde side. Just hope you can finish near the top without the wheels coming off.

Wayne Rooney

Keep fit, keep scoring and keep your metatarsals securely under lock and key.

Avram Grant

Try not to look so miserable all the time. There is always the 'parachute payment' to look forward to.

Carlo Ancelotti

Send Cech, JT and Carvalho away on a weeks 'bonding' holiday together so they can become better acquainted before their lack of understanding completely undermines Chelsea's title challenge.

Alex Ferguson

Take your positional experimentation to the next level by sticking Michael Owen at centre back and Berbatov as the midfield workhorse. If that works out we can truly say that you are a genius.

Mick McCarthy

Have a bit more ambition and start to believe that, in this topsy turvy season, any team, on it's day and with it’s strongest team, can beat any other team.

Thierry Henry

You have zero scope this year for anything else that approaches bad sportsmanship. Almost patronisingly polite behaviour throughout the World Cup is required to redeem your tarnished reputation. Bon chance!

John Terry

Ditch the 'on the make' attitude and concentrate on the qualities that got you the England captaincy in the first place; passion for the cause, honesty and true Britishness.

Jose Mourinho

Pick your next English club carefully.

Of the top clubs, Old Trafford's penchant for exciting, attacking football probably wouldn't sit too well with your somewhat negative approach to the game.

It is unlikely that either Abramovic or yourself would be able to swallow enough pride for a Chelsea reunion, Arsene appears to be a 'lifer' at Arsenal , Man City will surely give Mancini a couple of seasons at least, Martin O'Neil will probably hang around at Villa waiting for Fergy to retire and Harry R will stay at Spurs unless the England job comes up.

That just leaves Liverpool. A good outside bet if they fail to finish in the top four and they can afford to pay off Rafa.

Gary Megson

Stretching it a bit to call you a footballing icon but nevertheless you need to face the fact that your future probably lies in the lower leagues where a limited budget has less effect. Punditry may be your best short term method to pay the mortgage.

Fabio Capello

Continue to work on your English, particularly on your grasp of sarcasm and irony which could prove to be essential when dealing with the English press after an indifferent performance. Otherwise, more of the same please.

David Beckham

A World Cup winners medal followed by a knighthood to complete your collection.

David James, Paul Robinson, Joe Hart, Ben Foster et al

Will just one of you please show a bit of consistency of form and fitness for the rest of this season running up to the World Cup. It's only a case of diving, catching and punching after all.

FIFA/UEFA/FA

A rule change is required immediately to prevent players being banned from the finals of major tournaments because of accumulated yellow cards.

It is petty, needless and often heartbreaking for the victims who are robbed of what could be their only chance to take part in a major final.

It is also unfair on the spectators who have paid to see the best teams available on the park. Unfortunately, because of the intransigence and conservative nature of all the above associations who are largely staffed by dinosaurs who have never played at the higher echelons of the game, this is extremely unlikely to happen.

Please e mail with any suggestions of your own.

Happy new year!

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