The Antagonist - My 2010-11 season wish list

Published: 06 Aug 2010 - 08:16:19

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With the new Premier League season just a Charity Shield and a pointless international match away, and, following the current (rather annoying) fashion of publishing lists for everything, I thought I would follow the trend and produce my 'wish list' for 2010-11. Here goes:

1) JT to keep his namesake firmly in his trousers and his mouth equally under control. It would be great to see him restrict his carnal activities to the marital bedroom, curb his entrepreneurial appetite and concentrate his attention on footballing matters, particularly for England. What he gets up to for Chelsea...who cares?

2) Fabio to give youth a chance and stick with it even if it means sacrificing our chances in Euro 2012 and involves installing nappy changing facilities in the Wembley dressing room.

3) Fergie to put his money (or, more accurately, not put his money!) where his mouth is, continue to put two fingers up to overpriced players in the transfer market and see what the 'Fergie Babes' can do. It could further cement his already assured place in the Old Trafford Hall of Fame.

4) Liverpool to give the chop (sorry!) to the Chinese takeover bid and set an example to the rest of the league by showing that cash isn't always king. A country owning a football club is a dangerous precedent to set. Who knows what it could lead to? We could end up having our own domestic World Cup within the Premier League every season!

5) Blackpool to defy all the odds and finish the season in a Champions League position...(now that is wishful thinking!) At the moment they are sitting pretty in fifth place on the official Premier League website...Well if you don't believe me, have a look!

6) Man City to be left with a huge surplus of overpaid but unwanted players who they can't sell and who can't fit into their already bulging squad.

7) That the most unmusical of all musical instruments, the vuvuzela,doesn't insidiously inveigle its way into Premier League grounds. It may be considered traditional in South Africa but here it's just an extremely irritating noise.

8) Arsenal to persevere playing the most exciting football in the league even, if necessary, at the continued expense of a trophy-less cabinet.

9) Mick McCarthy to pick a team that can compete in every game. What message does it send out to his front line eleven if he just saves his best for the easy fixtures?

10) Mohamed Al Fayed to get behind his new manager and give him a longer period to establish himself than his former employers. Also, to be more circumspect with his comments to the press. On Tuesday he said, "I'm sure he (Hughes) is going to get us to the championship"..Not the loftiest of ambitions Mo, although I think I know what you mean!

11) Frank Lampard (we can't leave out Fat Frank!) to save one or two of his better performances for when he is wearing the three lions on his shirt. If not, he should be one of the first to be culled to make way for the new generation.

12) Newcastle to cut the 'bull' about being a big club and finally prove it on the field.

13) West Brom to try and hang about for more than a season before taking their leave once again. They are the metaphorical zombies of the Premier League; permanently suspended between life and death, between the Premier League and the Championship, never really sure where they truly belong.

14) Wigan to decide if there is any point them being in the Premier League or whether they would be better off giving someone else a chance, going down and starting again.

15) The Premier League to become a truly competitive league where more than one from four or five could win it. Wolfsburg proved it possible in the Bundesliga a couple of seasons ago.

16) Staying with our nemesis, Germany, how about following their model of the fans owning the majority of shares in every club? It is probably a no hoper here at the moment but maybe something to aspire to in the future?

17) The FA to introduce a 'Play Unfair League' where the team that amasses the most bookings and sendings off during the season gets some sort of reward; maybe a Europa League place where they can show off their dark arts to a wider audience. Stoke City would be my favourites for this coveted award although they will face stiff competition from last year's bad boys, Sunderland.

18) Bolton to convince me that I should stay awake on a Saturday night when their game comes on Match of the Day. Is it just me or are they the most boring team ever?

19) Stupid directives are revoked. I am thinking specifically about walking off and straight on again after an injury and referees booking players for taking their shirts off.

20) Erecting razor wire around the 'technical areas' to contain rival managers and prevent the type of 'school playground' confrontations that are becoming more commonplace.

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