Premier League club-by-club guide: part one

08 August 2011 09:45
By Jonathan Liew[LNB]10:45AM BST 08 Aug 2011[LNB]Comments[LNB] ARSENAL[LNB]Summer in six words Fabregas, Nasri going; Charlton defender signed [LNB]Last season Finished 4thTop scorer Robin van Persie (18)Bad boy Laurent Koscielny (2 red cards, 6 yellow cards) [LNB]In Gervinho (£11m, Lille) Carl Jenkinson (£1m, Charlton)Out Gaël Clichy (£7m, Man City), Denilson (loan, Sao Paolo), Jay Emmanuel-Thomas (£1.1m, Ipswich), Mark Randall (free, Chesterfield) [LNB]Most likely phone-hacking victim Tomas Rosicky, if only to find out where he spends all his time [LNB]What Joey Barton might tweet The Roman playwright Plautus once said: 'To mean well is useless unless one does well'. And if Plautus saw this Arsenal side, he'd tell them to swing in a few pigging crosses. [LNB]Tabloid headline of the season Water bottle: my years of abuse at the hands of Wenger [LNB]What are they made of?[LNB]50% Arsène Wenger's selective field of vision 31% Veneration of possession statistics 18% Groundless belief that Gervinho will solve everything1% TrophiesWho should own them? Apple - Pretty products that are timed to break down just before the new model is due to come out. [LNB]------------------------------------------------------------- [LNB]ASTON VILLA[LNB]Summer in six words: Star player exodus, manager nobody wants [LNB]Last season Finished 9thTop scorer Darren Bent (9)Bad boy Ciaran Clark (9 yellow cards) [LNB]In Shay Given (£3.5m, Man City), Charles N'Zogbia (£9.5m, Wigan) [LNB]Out Stewart Downing (£20m, Liverpool), Ashley Young (£16m, Man Utd), Brad Friedel (free, Tottenham), John Carew (free, West Ham), Nigel Reo-Coker (free, Bolton) [LNB]Most likely phone hacking victim Emile Heskey, to pick up those salacious phone calls from Sven [LNB]What Joey Barton might tweet I almost signed for Villa. Then I remembered the words of Hemingway: 'Never confuse movement with action.' That's not why I didn't move, mind. They didn't offer me enough money. [LNB]Tabloid headline of the season Agbonlahor found alive after two-year search [LNB]What are they made of?[LNB]44% A belief that sixth place constitutes underachievement33% Darren Bent's goals13% Birmingham City schadenfreude10% Relief at Nigel Reo-Coker's departureWho should own them? Wimpy - Perfectly serviceable fare, but not as big as they were in the 80s. [LNB]------------------------------------------------------------- [LNB]BLACKBURN ROVERS[LNB]Summer in six words: Uncertainty, failed bids, excruciating chicken adverts. [LNB]Last season Finished 15thTop scorer David Hoilett, Nikola Kalinic, Jason Roberts (5)Bad boy Michel Salgado (10 yellow cards) [LNB]In Myles Anderson (free, Aberdeen), David Goodwillie (£2m, Dundee Utd). [LNB]Out Phil Jones (Man Utd, £16.5m), Frank Fielding (£400,000, Derby [LNB]Most likely phone hacking victim Chris Samba, rumoured target for Arsenal and Tottenham. [LNB]What Joey Barton might tweet I still can't believe they fired Big Sam. There's an old Hopi Indian phrase: "You never know what you have until it's gone." Oh, hang on, that's Joni Mitchell, isn't it? [LNB]Tabloid headline of the season Kean: every team needs a Goodwillie [LNB]What are they made of?[LNB]47% Chicken 12% Modified starch 11% Breadcrumbs 9% Water 21% Emulsifiers, flavourings and preservativesWho should own them? Go Compare - Their advertising is, unfortunately, far more memorable than the product itself. [LNB]------------------------------------------------------------- [LNB]BOLTON WANDERERS[LNB]Summer in six words: Broken legs, underwhelming signings, Cahill staying [LNB]Last season Finished 14thTop scorer Johan Elmander (10)Bad boy Kevin Davies (10 yellow cards) [LNB]In Nigel Reo-Coker (Aston Villa), Darren Pratley (free, Swansea), Chris Eagles, Tyrone Mears (£3m, both Burnley) [LNB]Out Ali Al-Habsi (£4m, Wigan), Matt Taylor (£2.2m, West Ham), Johan Elmander (free, Galatasaray), Joey O'Brien (free, West Ham), Tamir Cohen, Jlloyd Samuel (both released) [LNB]Most likely phone hacking victim Sam Ricketts, given his racing and showjumping connections. [LNB]What Joey Barton might tweet Owen Coyle has ruled out a bid for me. He's scared of my truth, that's why. As FDR almost said, "the only things we have to fear are fear itself. And Joey Barton". [LNB]Tabloid headline of the season Davies: only 99 caps to go [LNB]What are they made of?[LNB]55% Spirit of Sam Allardyce 9% Impression made by Owen Coyle 24% Successful Championship players 12% Failed Premier League players Who should own them Dixons. Rebranded under new management, but still largely the same outfit.[LNB]Fantasy Football: Who will make your team? telegraph.co.uk/fantasyfootball [LNB].at15t_email {display:none !important;}ul li.email span.at300bs {display:none !important;} X

Source: Telegraph