Premier League Newcastle 6 Aston Villa 0 FTFULL TIME: Well played Newcastle. They looked shaky to start off with but were decisive when the chances offered to them.
The blades are definitely going to be out for the Newcastle players who have been growing 'tashes until their first, sizzling victory.
But will the knives be out for caretaker manager Kevin MacDonald after this crushing defeat?
93min: GOAL ANDY CARROLL HAT-TRICK! Xisco slid a sumptuous through-ball, Carroll took his time and rolled the ball into the far corner. An absolute trouncing!
89min: We'll have three minutes added on.
86min GOAL KEVIN NOLAN makes it five - it's just like the good old days - whenever they were. An untidy affair, the ball bounced around in the box from a corner and Nolan hooked home. Didn't they do this to Manchester United once?
83min: Hooooraaaaaaay! Stephen Ireland gets his 4th touch of the day. He proceeds to angle a shout over the bar, roof, stand, city, island, continent and is currently zooming over the middle east as we speak.
80min: Ryan Taylor has just seen his curling free-kick slide wide of the Villa goal and there's another change, Jonas Gutierrez is replaced by Xisco.
78min: Double change for Newcastle: Alan Smith and Wayne Routledge are off, Shola Ameobi and Ryan Taylor are on in their stead.
'Andy days work: Carroll takes the salute after bagging his second
77min: Aston Villa's defending has been shocking this afternoon. Real calamity stuff and Newcastle really should have capitalised. Barton and Carroll are involved, there's bodies flying everywhere but Villa just about scramble the ball out for a corner.
76min: Stephen Ireland touches the ball. His third look at the ball this afternoon, I believe.
73min: More good news for Newcastle fans - the club have agreed terms with Dutch side FC Twente for the transfer of midfielder Cheick Tiote. The 24-year-old Ivory Coast international has passed a medical and is now awaiting a work permit.
70min: Many Villa fans leaving now. And no, I don't blame them.
67min: GOAL ANDY CARROLL makes it four for Newcastle - an instinctive strike on the turn which zips past Friedel and into the far corner. The goal comes from a bit of a melee on the edge of the box, Barton clipped the ball in tot the box, Carroll latched on to it and thumped past the stranded Villa keeper.
Hard day at the office: The Villa bench look troubled as the action unfolds
63min: BOOKING Alan Smith enters Martin Atkinson's book for a late clip on Heskey's ankles. And Reo Coker makes his entrance, replacing John Carew. Stephen Ireland will move forward to support Heskey.
62min: Panic over, Villa fans. Nigel Reo Coker is preparing himself for action. it's the right idea as the visitors are being over run in midfield. I'm just not sure he's the right player.
60min: Hooraaaaaaay! Yep, there goes Heskey's first touch. straight out of play. Another half chance for Newcastle but some positive goalkeeping from Friedel who flew off his line snuffed out the chance.
56min: Boooooo Emile Heskey is given the treatment for his part in England's abysmal summer in South Africa. Not the best way to mark his entrance into this match but that's how it goes for him as he replaces the ineffectual Albrighton.
Head and shoulders above: Newcastle have dominated the second half
53min: Albrighton shows real tenacity to steal the ball off Jose Enrique's toes on the right wing but fails to show enough pace to break away. Coloccini booms across and clears.
50min: I'm not sure Villa are aware this second half has started. They've barely put a pass or move together so far.
48min: Plenty of possession for the hosts in the nascent stages of the second half. Cutting edge is conspicuous by it's absence but promising signs that they will snare their first Premier League win since they beat Middlesbrough on May 11 2009.
46min: Right, we're back off and running. Enough in this game for Villa to believe they can pull these goals back. But do they dare spoil Newcastle's big party?
SECOND HALF. Half time thought: Carroll for England. That is all.
HALF TIME: The Geordies are back! A sloppy, energetic and passionate mess but they have opened up a convincing lead over a team who were Champions League contenders just a couple of months ago. More of this shortly.
45min: We'll have two minutes added on. What Villa would give for a lifeline here before the break.
42min: 'Can we play you every week?' chirp the Newcastle fans. I wouldn't be so blase about it - Villa have been very good bar a couple of defensive lapses. The score could easily be 2-0 to the visitors.
Heads I win: Kevin Nolan dives in to nod Newcastle's third
37min: It should be four! Really, there's been some kind of injustice done there. Nolan latches onto Barton's through ball, square of him is Smith who is tripped/dragged back by Dunne as they enter the box but the ref waves the appeals away. Smith was on for a tap in had he received the ball.
33min: GOAL ANDY CARROLL! It's becoming a rout! Juts seconds after Villa waste a great chance, the hosts strike back with a soft goal from a corner . The cross was swung in, nodded down, Richard Dunne made a fool of himself witha swing and a miss - the ball rolled to Carroll who slapped home from 10 yards. This Premier Leaguie lark is easy, isn't it!?
30min: GOAL KEVIN NOLAN! Against the run of play but somehow, Newcastle have doubled their lead. Credit to Carroll who nodded a high, hanging ball baxck across goal. Nolan's first effort was blocked but he showed awareness and bravery to dive in and nod the rebound home.
25min: Newcastle's high line almost sees them undone again. Floated over the top for Ashley Young the ref made his own decision on the offside shout. Hang on, looks like he handled it when initially controlling. My bad.
Fan-'tashtic: Barton screams his delight after scoring his first goal in the top flight for almost two years
23min: My headphines got stuck in the wheel of my chair. what have I missed? Nowt.
20min: Villa move the ball with real fluidity up and down the pitch once more - the move ends with jeers as Downing drags his shot wide but the visitors are much the better of the two sides so far.
17min: BOOKING - Joey Barton arrives late and high on Petrov and becomes the first to go into the book.
15min: I was hoping to avoid an 'welcome back to the Premier League, Newcastle' cliches but this has been a sensational opening quarter of an hour. The hosts are playing a ludicrously high line which is begging to be exposed. But with the tackles flying in, Villa can't capitalise. yet.
12min: GOAL JOEY BARTON! What a goal! From not very much, Barton picked up the ball a few yards outside the box and unleashed an ferocious drive which dipped and swerved past Brad Friedel. Looks like he may be shaving off that shocker of a 'tash, soon.
Stop that: Barton opens the scoring with this thunderbolt
10min: MISSED! Carew's effort screams miles over the bar. The connection was sweet, power notched up to 10 but he was leaning back and the ball finished up in the second tier of the Gallowgate.
9min: PENALTY! Petrov's through ball found Young who touched the ball past Harper but had his legs taken away. Stonewaller - John Carew to take it.
8min: Nice! Barton to Nolan to Smith. One-touch stuff that comes to an end due to a poor long ball.
High and mighty: John Carew sends this early penalty up, over an into the stratosphere
7min: Barton swings a free-kick high to the back post, Carroll's there but gets right underneath his effort and the ball zooms miles over. Ho, hum.
6min: 'Keeeeppppppeeeerrr' shouts Steve Harper as Young's pass ambles across the Newcastle box. Still waiting for some meaningful attacking action
4min: It's baking in Newcastle today. Given the locals' propensity for wearing very little in the winter, do the conditions today mean many have arrived in the naturist's favoured ensemble? Maybe not. Far from expansive start. tackles and mis-placed passes are the order of the day.
1min: Yes, it's true. we're off and running.
FIRST HALF. 1.25: St James' Park is swathed in a blanket of sunshine as the players wait eagerly in the tunnel for the signal to enter the field of play.
A brief word from the ESPN presenter Rebecca Lowe (swoon) and then they're off out on the pitch. Huge cheers greet the players as Premier League football becomes a reality once more in this ever-so passionate area of the north east.
1.15: In the spirit of searching for drama when there's a real dearth before the game starts - who is going to be the hero today?
Marc Albrighton, Villa's young winger unleashed to such good effect against West Ham last weekend? Or Andy Carroll - the man who sports the iconic No 9 shirt and the club's top scorer last season? To be fair, I still haven't forgiven Carroll for those shocking cornrows he sported on his barnet a couple of years ago (shudders in horror at the memory).
1.05pm: So, with Martin O'Neill and James Milner gone, the big news for Aston Villa is who will take charge of the club?
If you're a Villa fan, would you rather stick with Kevin MacDonald, a man who knows his side and is getting them top play or should the board twist and go with the untried talents of Bob Bradley? Let me know your thoughts via the email at the bottom of the page.
Newcastle v Villa - teamsNewcastle: Harper, Perch, Coloccini, Williamson, Jose Enrique, Routledge, Smith, Barton, Gutierrez, Nolan, Carroll. Subs: Krul, Lovenkrands, Ryan Taylor, Xisco, Ameobi, Vuckic, Tavernier.
Aston Villa: Friedel, Luke Young, Clark, Dunne, Warnock, Albrighton, Petrov, Ireland, Downing, Ashley Young, Carew. Subs: Guzan, Delfouneso, Heskey, Reo-Coker, Beye, Lichaj, Bannan.
Referee: Martin Atkinson (W Yorkshire)
1pm: Right, I promised you some team news and , as such, I'm contractually obliged to proveide it, here goes.
Newcastle: Chris Hughton has gone with the same starting XI that lost 3-0 at Manchester United. There is a change on the bench, though as Peter Lovenkrands takes from injury.
Aston Villa: John Carew has overcome a knock to start and new signing Stephen Ireland makes his debut.
12pm: Afternoon all and welcome to Sportsmail's coverage of the Barclays Premier League clash between Newcastle United and Aston Villa.
Granted the big news this week is that James Milner has finally made his move away from Villa Park to Manchester City and the club remain in limbo - without a manager.
But a win here today against newly promoted Newcastle will certainly boost caretaker boss Kevin MacDonald's chances of holding onto the post.
Chris Hughton will have been pleased with his side's showing in their first top-flight match in 15 months.
Ultimately they were outclassed by Manchester United but Hughton will know not all challenges will come as tough as those away at Old Trafford.
Team news and all the rest as I get it and you can send your banter in this direction: firstname.lastname@example.org
Home boys: Young and Downing where others have departed
USA coach Bob Bradley reveals contact with Aston Villa and admits he wants to replace Martin O'Neill as bossNewcastle agree £3.5m deal for Ivory Coast midfielder Cheick TioteWe won't rush Campbell into action, insists Newcastle boss HughtonASTON VILLA FC