Source: Daily_Mail
Piers Morgan: Tiger Woods: Saying sorry is easy. The hard bit is looking like you mean it
No tears. Not even a sniffle. In fact, not a single tremor of thebottom lip. That was what struck me most starkly about Tiger Woods'sextraordinary statement. I've become something of an expert on publictears in my capacity as an interviewer. I drew a couple from the PrimeMinister and I've drawn them out of a range of celebrities, fromKatherine Jenkins and Ronnie Corbett to Cilla Black and Cheryl Cole.[LNB]I don't, contrary to popular myth, try to make them cry. And I don'tbelieve any of them go into the interview intending to. But the realityis that they are all human beings and when asked to relive the mostemotive moments of their lives, the stuff that matters to them morethan anything, they find it extremely emotional.[LNB]That's why I studied Woods so carefully on Friday, to see how hereacted to talking publicly about the scandal that has engulfed hisworld. The answer? Like the selfish, arrogant, cold and rather hatefulman that I suspect is the real Tiger.[LNB]I found the whole thing utterly nauseating. From the ludicrousPR-crafted drivel of a script, to his controlled anger, monotonedelivery, to the cringe-making hug-a-thon with his chosen friends andfamily at the end.[LNB]More pertinently, I didn't believe a single word he said about any of it. [LNB]Please forgive me: Tiger Woods makes his public apology[LNB]He'd clearly been ordered to say all that guff by his management andlegal counsel, and exactly how to say it. And it, therefore, carriedall the sincerity of a David 'Old Etonian man of the people' Cameronspeech on poverty.[LNB]I don't think Tiger's sorry for anything apart from getting caught.[LNB]This is a man who has spent his entire life being told how brilliantand wonderful he is, to the point that he eventually disappeared intohis own slew of what my American friends like to call 'BS'. And therehe has wallowed for the last few years, treating fans with increasinglack of interest, other players with contempt and the media withdownright loathing.[LNB]I don't personally give a damn who Woods sleeps with. Unlike JohnTerry, who bedded a team-mate's girl, there was no professionalconflict of interest for Woods in his choice of nocturnal partner. (Thesame argument applies to Ashley Cole, who may be guilty of rank,unimaginable stupidity by cheating on the gorgeous Cheryl but has donenothing to damage the dressing room in the process.)[LNB]But there is no question that Woods has ruthlessly, cynically andhungrily exploited his loving, loyal family image for outrageouscommercial gain playing the devoted, faithful husband and father forthe cameras, while defiling half the strippers in Las Vegas.[LNB] More from Piers Morgan On Sport... Piers Morgan: Youngsters just want to talk about Ferraris, says Alexander 13/02/10 Piers Morgan: High Noon showdown will decide Arsene Wenger's fate at Arsenal06/02/10 Piers Morgan: It's all over for captain John Terry. Now Fabio Capello should turn to Wayne Rooney30/01/10 Piers Morgan: Surely it's time to put the awful Gary Neville out of his misery23/01/10 Piers Morgan: Thierry Henry's the Arsenal old boy Arsene Wenger really needs16/01/10 Piers Morgan: Here's to Alexander the Great - not Coyle the betrayer09/01/10 Best of British: Morgan on Sport award for the Football Personality of the Year26/12/09 PIERS MORGAN: Ashton's a good guy, he doesn't deserve such a cruel fate12/12/09 VIEW FULL ARCHIVE I used to be a court reporter in my early journalism days on the Wimbledon News in south London. And the habitual offenders always made me laugh with their excuses and statements from the dock.[LNB]I remember one, an 18-year-old prostitute who was being convicted ofher 85th offence for soliciting, asking the magistrate: ''Ow do youexpect me to pay all these bleedin' fines if every time I go out toearn the money, I get nicked again?' [LNB]It was irrefutable logic, to which the magistrate showed no mercy.Mainly because the offender was laughing out loud as she said it. Atear, and some genuine human self-reflection, might have secured herrather more compassion.[LNB]I felt the same watching Tiger Woods's rambling 14-minute mea culpaon Friday. One tear would have done it. A glimpse of a real, heartfeltemotion. Something that told me he actually meant what he said, andreally was hurting and contrite, in the way he claimed. But he couldn'tdo it. Instead, we were treated to a performance of quite breathtakinginsincerity, interspersed with flashes of fury at the media, whom heclearly loathes with the same passion he loves his pneumatic breastedplethora of mistresses.[LNB]Woods ended his speech by asking us all to find room in our hearts to believe in him again one day. Sorry, Tiger old chap, but it's like the day I caught my dad swigging Santa's sherry in my bedroom as he deposited my presents. I could never believe in Father Christmas again.[LNB] [LNB]And here's how to make a real apologyA lot of Portsmouth fans have written to me recently, demanding to know what I have to say about what's happened to their club after I confidently told them a few months ago not to worry because their new owner, and casual acquaintance of mine, Dubai tycoon Sulaiman Al Fahim, was absolutely loaded.[LNB]I've been watching carefully as events have unfurled down on the south coast and it's now absolutely clear to me now that I was talking out of my over-fed, gullible, showbiz derriere. [LNB]Fahim didn't have the cash I thought he had or the cash he promised he had. Because if he did, he would have spent it.[LNB] Taken in: Sulaiman Al Fahim pulled the wool over Piers' eyes[LNB]So I humbly, and sincerely, apologise to all Portsmouth supporters for falsely reassuring you. And I hope, and pray, that something or someone turns up to save your great, proud, historical club from extinction.[LNB] [LNB]I'll take it all back, Arsene, if you can pull off miracleIn contention: Wenger[LNB]Arsene Wenger's stubborn refusal to buy a top striker or goalkeeper in the transfer window left me, and most Gunners fans, deeply frustrated. [LNB]It proved to me either Arsenal's board have been misleading everyone, and we don't have any money to spend, or Wenger's notorious myopia has worsened to such an extent that he really can't see the wood for the trees. His ridiculous protests at Porto's brilliantly crafty free-kick the other night would suggest the latter, given it was just the kind of thing he'd have applauded Thierry Henry for doing.[LNB]Yet here we are, in mid-February, and Arsenal are still in contention for the Premier League title.[LNB]We've got no right to be, after our recent drubbings by Manchester United and Chelsea. I came away from Stamford Bridge a fortnight ago convinced the squad was just too young, small and inexperienced to compete for silverware. But the fact is we're third in the table, just two points behind United and our run-in is easier than either of our rivals. [LNB]And I'll say this: if Wenger was to pull this off, after all the literary manure poured on his head by sceptical armchair critics this season and yes, I include myself in that category it would be a miracle even more astonishing than Simon Cowell announcing he is ready to settle down and have kids.[LNB] [LNB]I do hope all the cynical, whining, sneering, cricket fans who have poured scorn on my constant support for Kevin Pietersen watched his innings against Pakistan yesterday.[LNB]Because he was bold, brutal, brilliant and breathtaking. KP is the best batsman we've got and it's time the snipers just shut up.[LNB] [LNB]HAVE YOUR SAYGreat to see Graham Alexander picking up your award. It shows us all that working hard, believing in yourself and keeping your feet on the ground can get you to where you want to be. [LNB]If youngsters want to be the best, then they should look at Alexander and Ryan Giggs and they'll have half a chance.[LNB]MALVERN (Claret)[LNB]Piers says: 'Totally agree, Malvern. A top man, and a top player.'[LNB]Come on, Piers, isn't it time for your annual 'off with his head' speech in relation to a certain French manager you love/loathe? Two weeks in a row you have failed to mention how Arsenal were destroyed by their two biggest rivals.[LNB]SEAMUS McMENAMIN[LNB]Piers says: 'I was hoping nobody had noticed. What can I say? We weren't just beaten by United and Chelsea, we were humiliated.'[LNB]Having an Irish parent does not necessarily make you Irish. Not if you were born in England. There is nothing Irish about your personality or demeanour. The English are a great race of people. Why are you not proud to be English? Just stop claiming that you are Irish.[LNB]PHIL BROWNE[LNB]Piers says: 'I like Guinness, wear green jumpers, recite Yeats's poetry at dinner parties and sing Danny Boy at the top of my voice when inebriated. How much more proof do you need?'[LNB]If John Terry is the Daddies Sauce Father of the Year, then is it true you're the Daddies Sauce Football Expert of the Year?[LNB]NICK BOOTH[LNB]Piers says: 'Oh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.'[LNB] [LNB]
