Source: Daily_Mail
DES KELLY: Why Stoke ride high in a league of happiness
What makes us happy? Love and health aside, It's the gap between what we expect and what we receive.[LNB]WhenI was a child, our family didn't have much, but we were content. If achip pan fire broke out in the kitchen it wasn't regarded as a domesticdisaster but an opportunity to warm the house.[LNB]But as you growolder and more experienced and taste the bounties life has to offer,those expectations are raised. We see things we don't have, glimpseplaces we haven't travelled to and are force-fed innumerable ways toensure every moment of our lives can be spent in a constant state oforgasmic joy. Before you know it, the bar of happiness is higher thanAndre Agassi competing in the Tour de France.[LNB]Old queen: Winner[LNB]But joy andcontentment are always relative. It's why a tedious old queen likeMichael Winner complains the cassata he had near Sloane Square didn'tquite match up to the quality of the dessert served in St Paul de Vencein the South of France, while half the world would consider it aMichelin starred Happy Meal if an extra dung beetle fell in theirboiled leaf soup.[LNB]Even if you have achieved a state of nirvana,where health and contentment have made fortune irrelevant and you yearnfor nothing more on this Earth, there is still the nagging thought inthe back of your head that you may never be as happy again. And howdepressing is that?[LNB]I mention this because we are fast approaching the halfway point inthe football season and if ever there was an industry where expectationand reality are in constant conflict it has to be the madness of ournational game. By rights, it should be sponsored by Prozac. Every year,we hope beyond hope that this is going to be The Year, the moment wheneverything turns out right and all the money, time and emotion investedfinally pay dividends instead of coming up like a Dubai branch of theNorthern Rock again.[LNB]Which is why I have compiled my completely arbitrary Premier League Happiness Index.[LNB]Thisranks teams according to the expectations they started out with and theposition they now find themselves in. To ensure the validity of theresults, I have used the rigorous scientific methodology employed by'Love Tester' machines (always 'pretty spicy' and above and never a'cold fish', since you ask). Obviously, I can't prove any of myconclusions, but you can keep your facts. I'm going with the truthinstead.[LNB]a team punching above their weight.jpg[LNB]That's why Stoke Cityfans have to be the happiest supporters in the land right now. Theyshould have expected a relegation battle as the dreaded second-seasonsyndrome kicked in. Instead, they could leapfrog Liverpool and Manchester City if they win at Blackburnthis weekend. And although Stoke might not bring much joy to rivalfans, that will only heighten their sense of satisfaction. At the otherend of the scale, some of the most depressed and disappointedsupporters in the land will gather on Merseyside tomorrow to battle forsome local pride.[LNB]After last season's second-place finish andtheir early table-topping exploits, this was being tipped as thebreakthrough year for Liverpool. Some fools even said the title wastheirs. But they are already out of the Champions League, trail 13points behind the league leaders and the Carling Cup has gone.[LNB] More from Des Kelly... DES KELLY: Dishonest Henry drives us down a road of cameras20/11/09 DES KELLY: Hounding Sir Alex Ferguson is an awful Prospect13/11/09 DES KELLY: FACT! Rafa Benitez, here's what Kop is about06/11/09 DES KELLY: The cover-up was the real story, not Andre Agassi's drug use30/10/09 DES KELLY: Well done Rafa Benitez, you've got the Liverpool fans fooled23/10/09 DES KELLY: A fat lot of good it will do to ban Manchester United boss Fergie16/10/09 DES KELLY: Cyberspace is for stalking ex-lovers or shopping, NOT football 09/10/09 DES KELLY: Celebrate the moment but don't push the boat out too far02/10/09 VIEW FULL ARCHIVE Nobodyin their right minds could argue Liverpool are staring at the biggestabyss between genuine expectation and actual results, or that they rankas the disappointment of the season to date.[LNB]Despite this, a vocal contingent of Anfield fans stand by manager Rafa Benitez. This is admirable and what support is supposed to be about.[LNB]But then endangered species usually attract sympathy. Look at dinosaurs; they're extinct and yet they are more popular than ever, with their own films, exhibitions and everything. Across Stanley Park, the gritty David Moyes is more brutally honest about his side's failings and the task he faces. Everton would have hoped for a return to Europe, but face a long, painful run-in if they take nothing from tomorrow's derby.[LNB]Elsewhere, Wolves sit above Manchester City in my contentment charts because a) they haven't struck oil in the Black Country and b) Mick McCarthy and his club's fans expected nothing other than a grim fight all along.[LNB] Street fighting man: McCarthy[LNB] [LNB]City, on the other hand, have plans to conquer the world. Soon, perhaps. A top four finish is all they should care about now, yet others look better equipped to claim that berth at the moment.[LNB]Chelsea seem unstoppable and sit accordingly high in the alternative table, yet their crowd rightly expects success, which is why they are placed below Burnley's bookie-defying start.[LNB]Manchester United are still chasing four trophies, although they look more vulnerable than last year, while Tottenham and Sunderland are filled with renewed optimism and deservedly look down on Sir Alex Ferguson's side in this arbitrary survey of one, if not in reality.[LNB]If you're not cheered by these results, feel free to send me your own table.[LNB]I promise to have an unpaid graduate skim each and every one before posting it online. That will keep us both happy.[LNB] It's good to talk: Terry[LNB]John Terry is up for sale. The England captain's adviser has sent out an email announcing he is for hire before and after the World Cup.[LNB]The pamphlet appeals for endorsements boasting Terry has been 'voted as one of the world's most influencial (sic) people'.[LNB]Nobody can establish who elected him to this select group, but if they are unable to spell influential I'm guessing there must have been a lot of spoiled ballot papers and a recount might be in order.[LNB]When Terry is not taking calls from the likes of Barack Obama as 'one of the world's most influential people', he seems hellbent on recovering the only trophy listed on his begging note.[LNB]It's the coveted 'Daddies Sauce Dad of the Year 2008' accolade, a piece of silverware (OK, Perspex) every sportsman surely dreams of winning?[LNB]If you doubt its status, remember previous Mum of the Year winners include Kerry Katona and that Nolan Sister, who were signed up by Iceland supermarkets to flog their prawn rings.[LNB]Stand by your phone Mr Terry. It can only be a matter of time.[LNB] Our back page assessed the England World Cup bid's 'celebrity backers' and asked the big question of the week: 'Wallace and Gromit or Amanda Holden?' It's a no brainer: The wonderful Wallace and Gromit every time, if only on the basis that their faces are less likely to melt when placed near a radiator.[LNB]You decide: Amanda Holden or Wallace and Gromit The last thing England's 2018 bid team needs is Tony BlairLast week I told the World Cup bid team to cut their squabbling, politicking and infighting or else watch their 2018 campaign self-destruct.[LNB]You know the power of this page. When I say 'potato', that's it end of debate. The same goes for 'tomato'. So I assume they've called the whole thing off?[LNB]Er, not quite. It seems the Premier League chairman has quit the bid team in a huff, delivering a slap in the face that could be heard around the globe.[LNB]Chelsea's former Press bloke has also been hired to try to polish the unpleasant droppings (because Chelsea's public image has been such a success story over the past few years, hasn't it!)[LNB]And the entire circus of limos, expense lunches and nudge-nudge, wink-wink, first-class upgrades is disintegrating amid personal feuds and muddled management.[LNB]Amazingly, the bid is still salvageable because decent people remain involved, but much more of this pathetic bickering and England will deserve to host this tournament about as much as Lord Triesman and Sir Dave Richards currently deserve their grandiose titles.[LNB]Worryingly, as the shambolic bid heads to Cape Town next week, the solutions offered to save the campaign have been even more excruciating.[LNB]One piece in the Daily Telegraph lobbied for Tony Blair to be brought in save the bid. And there was I thinking that Alastair Campbell usually dropped his stuff to the Times?[LNB]What an insane plan. It's like taking the man who led the country into a bogus war in Iraq and appointing him the United Nations' Middle East 'Peace Envoy'.[LNB]Oh[LNB] [LNB]Should any manager have the misfortune to arrive in the club car park and find the space reserved for 'Director of Football' filled by whatever company hearse Avram Grant happens to be driving these days, then they should start clearing their office right away.[LNB]It'll save time, as he's going to have your job sooner or later.[LNB]For six weeks, Pompey's new director of football smiled his ghoulish grin, lurked in the shadows and tried to look as unthreatening as one of the undead can reasonably expect to be when caught above ground.[LNB]Meanwhile, Paul Hart carried on organising and motivating a team where players went unpaid, where the bosses courted a wannabe owner who turned out to be a chubby clown or went to court, and every day brought a farcical new horror to overcome.[LNB]For coping with all of that, Hart lost his job, which was a disgraceful turn of events.[LNB] Menacing: Grant[LNB]Maybe Grant will be Pompey's saviour, although I wonder, since he is not inheriting the finished article he found when he jumped into Jose Mourinho's chair at Chelsea.[LNB]Pompey and England goalkeeper David James was quick to parade his the King is Dead, Long Live the King approach (but then he had a DVD to sell), claiming yesterday that Grant drops 'pearls of wisdom that seem to be far reaching. He is like Yoda'.[LNB]No, he's not. If we're talking Star Wars characters, Grant is more like Boss Nass, which is appropriate since he truly is The Phantom Menace.[LNB] [LNB] Explore more:People:Rafa Benitez, Kerry Katona, Alastair Campbell, Amanda Holden, Alex Ferguson, David Moyes, Jose Mourinho, David James, Mick McCarthy, Tony Blair, Barack Obama, Andre AgassiPlaces:Liverpool, Dubai, Cape Town, Iraq, United Kingdom, France, Europe, Stanley Park, Middle East
