Source: Telegraph
Arsenal hope desperate housewife can fix Robin van Persie
THE DAILY BUNG'S LUNCHTIME HEADLINES[LNB]Rafa Benítez says he'd quit Liverpool if Fernando Torres is sold. And as long as Torres wasn't sold to United, I think most Scousers would be happy with that. [LNB] Related ArticlesRobin van Persie seeks 'magic' cureChasing the dream will take clubs to the wallRafael Benitez: I'll quit if Liverpool sell TorresBen Foster weighs up loan moveMoney's too tight to mention at Old Trafford, where the former Reds who hang around the posh seats on matchdays are being told not to eat the leftover prawn sandwiches. [LNB]Ben Foster thinks being Spurs' No. 2 could help his World Cup chances more than being United's No.3. Read more here... [LNB]And cornered by the SFA, Craig Levein couldn't think of a decent enough excuse not to take the Scotland job. So unless he can come up with something sharpish, he's the new George Burley. [LNB]----[LNB]DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES[LNB]Robin van Persie isn't the first bloke from Amsterdam who's into weird stuff with animals and housewives. [LNB]The Bung still gets frightfully squeamish about that kind of thing, but to those crazy Dutchies, it's just no big deal. That's why Van Persie's so, y'know, whatever, about flying to Belgrade so a Serbian housewife can rub horse placenta into his injured ankle. [LNB]'I am going to receive treatment from a female doctor,' yawned Van. 'She is vague about her methods but I know she first massages you for a long time with placenta fluid. I'm going to give it a try. It can't do any harm and if it helps it helps.' [LNB]As you can imagine, this morning's red tops are similarly broad-minded in their reaction to this procedure. [LNB]Mail: 'QUACKERS!' Star: RUB-IN VAN PERSIE! Mirror: 'PLACENTA FORWARD'. Sun: 'DOBBIN VAN PERSIE' (and, under a pic of a horse, 'TOP DOC: 'IT'S NEIGH GOOD''). [LNB]RVP was crocked by Italy's Giorgio Chiellini on Saturday, and was expected to be out for a couple of months. But he was persuaded to seek out Mariana Kovacevic by his Dutch team-mates Danko Lazovic and Orlando Engelaar. [LNB]The Bung's extensive contacts in the world of Serbian alternative medicine have so far been unable provide much up-to-date information on Mariana (and, tried purely as a last resort, Wikipedia also came up blank). So it's unclear, as yet, whether she's essentially a Balkan Eileen Drewery, or whether her healing (if slightly gooey) hands can get this Van back on the road. [LNB]Indeed, it's not entirely clear what type of placenta horse or human Mariana uses for her miracle cure. Or whether the cure is placenta or placebo. There's certainly precious little insight from the Sun's medical expert Dr Cooper who writes: "The placenta has probably come from a large animal such as a horse. I'm not sure whether the treatment will make much of a difference. It's completely unproven." [LNB]Arsenal fans shouldn't worry though. If the Sun thinks it's something's barmy, worthless and European, you're usually onto a winner. [LNB]----[LNB]
